Autism and disability

Autism TEDx talk

The average lifespan of an autistic is 54 years.

Autistics are chronically unemployed or underemployed.

They face health outcomes that are outside the norm because they don’t know how to take care of themselves.

They generally have to have some form of assistance.

Female autistics are 3x more likely to attempt suicide than non-autistic women.

I’ve never really held down a job. I’ve had one relationship in my entire life. I can barely function without regular assistance. My health is always, always, always an issue. And I don’t have a lot of money. This is called poor executive functioning. It’s a hallmark of autism. No one gets it. I’ve been shamed my entire life for things I did or didn’t do that are the direct result of being autistic.

I cried today out of frustration because I couldn’t get WiFi installed. Getting basic services like this is challenging to anyone but to me, it’s so hard that I break down and cry.

I’m screaming out to the world for help and instead I get told:

  • to grow up
  • to become realistic
  • to join the real world
  • to get over it
  • that my autism is mild
  • that I probably don’t have autism
  • that I’m too smart to rely on a crutch or a label like autism
  • that my life is just so amazing and glamorous

I’m not going to get any better. I’m not going to wake up one day and figure out my problems. I’m not going to adapt. So for anyone who’s waiting for that to happen, I’m sorry. I’ve done my best. Some days it feels like my last. And the only reason why I carpe diem so hard is because I don’t expect a tomorrow.

Nobody likes this side of me, least of all me. And yet nobody is going to help. I’m not scared. I’m petrified. But what choice do I have other than to go forward? I’ve tried all the others.

I need a hug. I want a savior. I wish for kindred. I dread the future. I live for today. I long for someone I’ve yet to meet.

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