Don’t go chasing waterfalls

This is explicit, but not about me.

Sex storytelling YouTube video

Storytelling, I have come to learn, is so cathartic for both performer and audience. But sometimes, the audience and the performer need to be curated properly. Like a good dom/sub relationship. One party giveth and the other party taketh.

Everyone should enjoy sex. I grew up in a culture where tampons were forbidden because they devirginized women and orgasms were never spoken about. Only whores craved sex. And, honestly, marital sex was probably the first sex for most Mexican women up until my generation. Without information or agency, I think a lot of women were introduced to sex in a somewhat non-consensual way. There was trauma. But marriage and men required sex. So it was something women did, but never enjoyed.

I hope every woman gets a really good partner at least once in life. I can only speak from a straight cisgendered woman’s perspective, but sex is awesome. And with the right person, it can be one of the happiest, most life-affirming moments ever.

This is the sex education people need. We keep reducing sex to its anatomical and increasingly devoid of joy aspects. People, beautiful chiseled people, are out there in the world having porn sex and wondering what is wrong with them because they don’t feel anything. Sex, with the right person, can be hot. It can be steamy and physical and taboo and all the other things that porn can be, so long as the people involved consent. But it can also be so much more when the people involved want to make each other happy instead of living up to something they heard or saw happen in a video.

Kids have access to everything…everything but the truth. Why is it scary to tell kids that sex should only be attempted by people who are ready to use the proper words for the things they want and that when they actually are pleased, that they can feel good about their perfectly imperfect bodies? Anatomy lessons are so important, but let’s not forget about the head. Without the mind, sex is merely a physical reaction. Like hitting one’s funny bone.

Consent, safety, intimacy, confidence, self-worth, self-discovery, communication, working towards common goals…all these skills can be worked at through something that was designed to be pleasurable. Beats the hell out of calculus. And yet, we don’t teach it enough.

I can’t tell you how many women in a five mile radius from me don’t enjoy sex because they are self-conscious, or scared, or traumatized, or unable to speak the language necessary to ask for what they want, or embarrassed, or aren’t even aware of what their beautiful bodies are capable of. But I can tell you, from anecdotal evidence, that it is far too many.

The storyteller in the link above does a great job with this topic. We need her tenfold. We need guys like the ones who had to teach me about my body starting at 37 (shoutout to Samy, who I think would be totally fine with me talking about this). If I could pimp Samy out to all my friends in their 20’s and 30’s, this world would be a more peaceful place. That’s not an exaggeration. If we devoted the time we spend to bourgeois capitalist pursuits to getting each other off, men would be wholly otherwise occupied and women would be running the place like that island in Wonder Woman.

It takes a grown up to not just ask for sex but to work towards making someone else’s pleasure and happiness happen. Let’s reclaim the “mature” title and say that sex should only be for those mature enough to approach it in the right spirit. And let’s work towards getting kids to perceive this whole matter with a lot more maturity.

This mass has ended, go in peace.

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