Fix you

Current mood: liberated! What was last night? Probably the best affirmation of putting myself in the path of good things.

But first let me tell you this. When I was married, I wasn’t allowed a lot of room for independent thought. That went double for music. If I liked something, I had to keep it on the down low or the ex would find a way to outlaw it through ridicule. I remember being in the back of his sister’s car, riding through Palo Alto and hearing a song that shook me. Straight to my core.

I couldn’t ask what the song was without raising suspicion. So I held on to the only lyrics I could remember…for three days…until I returned to Tucson and could Google the song. This was back before Shazam.

🎶: When I get back I will dream in Barnes and Nobles

It was Rufus Wainwright. Greek Song. I downloaded the song and listened to it on repeat, in secret. It was the same tiny rebellion I’d conducted as a kid in Nogales. Only now I was 30.

Ira Glass, you should know, got me through law school. This American Life helped me get over personal trauma (literally…there was a story about the dude who mugged me at Penn Station in 2000). It introduced me to some of my favorite writers. And it taught me all about storytelling.

John Cameron Mitchell—not Bowie or Freddie—taught me to love androgyny and glam. Before him, all of that world just scared me.

So, last night, I got to:

• dress up in goth…because I felt like it,

• see John Cameron Mitchell and Ira Glass,

• watch a segment of This American Life recorded,

• see Rufus Wainwright’s family perform,

• see the funniest storytelling/comedy show of my life,

• see Jess,

• hang out with Maddie,

• eat delicious soppressata pizza with arugula and hot honey at Barboncino’s,

• make plans with Travis to see The 1975 in May at MSG and

• go home to John, who is just the best. He said I looked like Snow White’s darker twin sister. I show up to his place in drag on the regular and he always always, always loves it. He never says stupid boy things like: I like it when women look “natural,” whatever that means.

He makes fun of me for liking Billy Joel, but he’s an ironic Gen Xer. They’re all too cool for school. Dating him is basically the answer to what would happen if Winona Rider’s and Ethan Hawke’s characters from Reality Bites started dating in their 40’s?”

Marry Healy: the eternal muse.

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