It’s only just out of reach, down a block on a beach

I’ll try to keep this one short but sweet, but I’m not making any promises.

2017 (May): I meet Dan, the 🦄. I swipe through Tinder in NYC in anticipation of coming here. I meet a guy named Jesse. We talk on the phone but never meet. We do become FB friends. I search through his contacts and find Imani Coppola in his list. She had a hit in the 90’s that I loved called, “Legend of A Cowgirl.” I follow her, but don’t friend her because I’m not a psychopath.

2018 (June): After a month of foreboding in June, I have to get out of Arizona. I know what’s coming down the pike and I’m terrified. I throw it up on FB that I need to get to NYC. In five minutes, my high school drama teacher puts me in contact with another alumnus and suddenly I have a place to live for the month of August in Bed-Stuy.

2018 (August): I make friends with the other people living in the apartment. One, Nathalia, takes me to Prospect Park to see Gary Clark, Jr. perform at the bandshell. I meet two people that night who will directly affect the course of my life for years. The first is Jozelle. The second…is Jesse. We’ll address the second one first.

I run into Jesse while Nathalia is getting beer. Oh the beer and wine selection at free concerts in Prospect Park! An entire tent just for rosé! Jesse and I exchange numbers and we make plans to meet up.

When we do meet up, Jesse is drunk and belligerent. His friend Erica comes to meet us at a patio bar. We hang out. Jesse is an arrogant asshole, but Erica says the magic words: The 1975. She loves them as much as I do. Jesse and I get into an argument. He calls me “kid.” I call him “kid” back. He thinks I’m younger. I think he’s younger. Erica settles it for us by looking at both of our driver’s licenses. Turns out we were both wrong. We were born on the same day: June 15, 1979. I write off Jesse and become friends with Erica. Erica invites me out everywhere, including a bar/pizza joint called Barboncino in Crown Heights.

We arrive at Barboncino. Jesse is drunk and has just offended someone. Erica pushes me to hit on someone she thinks is my type. I tell her she doesn’t know my type. He’s young and pretty. Nice hair, dressed well. Stands out. Erica prods me to hit on him so I go and talk to him. He’s a musician and producer. He also says the magic words: The 1975. We discuss Mark Ronson. I lob the question to him that I ask of everyone in the industry, “If Mark Ronson were to cover a love song for a friend to add to a mixtape, what song would it be?” And I finally get the answer I want for a novel I’ve been writing for a year: “Peg” by Steely Dan.

I friend him on FB the next day. His name is Tyler. We keep in touch.

He tells me that Jesse was an asshole to him that night and we bond over how much we hate Jesse.

2018 (October): I come to NYC to see the Israeli but also to feel out how to move here. I ask everyone all the important questions until I am satisfied. I stay at Erica’s and meet the new roommate, Maddie. She’s fun and light and we hit it off that week. I go home broken-hearted.

2018 (December): Maddie invites me to stay with her in L.A. for New Year’s. We spend a week together and bond. We get each other because we both hail from gifted backgrounds/have to deal with upper class nonsense. We both are kind of impulsive and crazy. We just vibe, as the kids say.

2019 (May): I move to NYC and live with Jozelle. She ends up being a terrible roommate and moves out, so I keep the apartment, which I love. But not until November 1st.

2019 (November): I’m friends with Erica and Maddie, and I get invited to their Friendsgiving. Erica and I have already fallen out once. She’s a terrible drunk and gets dark. I see Tyler occasionally when I visit Crown Heights (next neighborhood over). Jesse shows up to Friendsgiving. He’s blitzed and mean. I take video to send to Tyler.

The night is a debacle and I break up with Erica. I go out with John, a guy I will date for the next few months, the next night just to get out of the headspace I was in.

2020 (present date): Maddie and I have fallen out over Erica and come back together. John and I have fallen out and come back together. Tyler has written the score to the video I made. Jozelle now lives downstairs. And last week I met Imani Coppola and we hit it off.

All seemingly tiny moves that I made unconsciously. All bringing me to who I am today. I couldn’t have known all of this would play out the way it did. I just had faith that if I put one foot in front of another that it would lead me somewhere, anywhere, away from the bad and towards the good.

So here I am. Where that is, I don’t know. But it’s all towards something.

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