Being alone is a gift. Having free time is a gift. Having access to books and great minds, likewise.

This winter, my goals are:

• to party less, read more,

• study Chinese history,

•be inspired by Neruda and Mary Oliver,

• get better at writing,

• take a class on a writing style I’m not familiar with,

• start working on video projects, including banking shots in films I love

These are not indulgences. They feel like them. When I make time for them, I am torn. Shouldn’t I be doing something of value? And then I have to remind myself that I don’t know what will be of value. I thought reading about autism and neurology were indulgent, until I got paid this year to talk on the subjects. I thought making videos was indulgent, until I made a video that companies paid for.

I moved to NYC to see what potential lied beyond the boundaries of the Sonoran Desert. They won’t reveal themselves until I possess the perspective to see them with clarity. And then incorporate them into my vernacular.

The sky’s the limit. It would help to have Ivy League connections, beauty, thinness, neurotypicality. But I haven’t any of those. What I do have is raw talent and instincts. Tenacity in spades. A fire under my ass. And friends who can help me achieve my goals or at least connect me with those who do.

Time to carpe the diem. Rainy windy days lie ahead. No one knows how many. I shall rage against the dying of the light. Every party night I spend is one day less of productivity. But, then again, the spontaneous conversations that erupt from social endeavors causally lead to opportunities. So, as with all things, moderation is key.

But the cardinal law is kindness and compassion, first and foremost with myself. Hard thing to incorporate when your ambition constantly nags at you to get better.

The only thing that could possibly stop me now is money, so vulgar. Everything else is within my purview to accomplish. Talk about a burden. To know that you have everything and the only thing in your way from attaining all your dreams is your limitations.

I will not go gently into that good night. Let the world around us just fall apart. We can make it if we’re heart to heart.

All I need…is a partner to synergies our talents.