Feel free

Today is the last day of 2021. The last day I will love you. Three years and change.

Thank you for everything you taught me. For making me feel like I could ask for more. For letting me know there was more to you. For helping me see there was more to me. For making my heart skip a beat. For making the words solidify from the ether into poems that said more than even I knew was possible.

I have all these memories of you. All these associations with songs and photos and flotsam and jetsam. They make me smile. They make me swoon. They make me feel indecent and decadent.

There was heartache, alright. But it served a purpose too. It reminded me that I had one. That it had healed from pain unbearable. And now I use it all the time.

Thank you for showing me it was ok to be soulful. To express parts of myself I thought I no longer possessed. Thank you for not correcting me. Not reproaching me. Not making me feel like I was less than. Not dismissing me. I wanted to reach out to where you were and that forced me to grow.

I am more solid now. More in my body. Less fragmented. Less spacey. More real than I have ever been. More compassionate. More forgiving. More understanding. More realistic.

It’s time. It’s time. It’s time.

I don’t know what happens from here on out. Nothing every disappears. It’s just time to look forward and find a new muse. A new epoch. I’m excited for what will come. Thank you for all that you were. And all that you helped me become. I wish you the best. I wish you peace.

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