I re-listened to the audio recording of my session with Elana from May 2021 and a lot of it resonated with me. Patience, breathing, not taking substances, not giving into revenge or dark magic, the fact that I’m not alone, the fact that I can call upon others in my time of need. That I am loved. That I need to learn the difference between discernment, paranoia and historical pain. That I need to know when to act and when to wait.

It was helpful. If you ever want to talk to her, she’s over here. I highly recommend her.

When we first met she told me I have all my own answers and I just needed to trust myself. She’s the reason I got a sign that says, “What would Veneranda do?”

I know that right now is not a time to be doing things. It’s a time to be reflecting and listening. Being still in contemplation is difficult. Oh, here’s a great article Celia sent me on contemplation in the desert. It’s beautiful and it sent me in a few different directions.

One thing that helps is music. Another is dance. I watched this gorgeous ballet yesterday. Ravel’s Bolero puts me in a trance. This piece is powerful for me.

I know that staying home is good for more than just this contemplative state I would benefit from. It’s omicron and flu season out there. I shouldn’t be spending money needlessly or drinking. All these reasons are good. But I’m still vulnerable to looking for distractions from uncomfortable feelings. Easy fixes aren’t fixes. Some things you have to sit with. So I prayed.

But by 10 last night I wanted sweet relief. Any kind of relief from the regret of bad decisions that were made KNOWING everything Elana told me and then disregarding it. Someone knocking me over the head with a hammer would have done just fine. Instead, I reached out to Asani and asked her for a tarot reading. She said sure, and that she’d hit me up after she pulled the cards.

Here’s what she had to say:

1. I’m very connected to Spirit. I asked her how and she had trouble putting it into words because she can see it. I get that. I’m a visual thinker as well. But if she were to describe it…it was like I was there with her as she pulled them.

2. I need a totem right now to meditate with download information. Some kind of physical tether that grounds me. And an intention spot can be powerful.

3. I’m a channel. It can be hard to know when a new cycle begins. But it’s now. This is the beginning. The time is now. I already laid the groundwork. I’ve planted seeds and now they’re going to be coming to fruition. There is a delay between the two.

4. What is it time for? For me to talk about what I’ve learned. Esoteric things.

5. Something about balance. Balance came in a lot. But I couldn’t write it all down.

6. Either this past full moon (December 26, 2021) or the next one (January 17, 2022) has a planning energy to it. Something has been put on pause. It’s time to break through.

7. Something about my name being pronounced wrong. And with this she thought of how the fae have power with names. This is what Google came back with:
“In the old stories this phrasing only meant that you accidentally revealed your full name to the Folk and thereby gave them power over you. With your name they could enchant or lure you, they might even be able to influence your behavior. When you know someone’s name you have a certain measure of power over them. You can do things like catch their attention by saying out loud, referring to them even when they are not present, or even using their influence to bolster your own. But humans don’t have the necessary skills and powers needed to do much more than simple things with a name. Fae, unfortunately, do have such skills and powers. This is why people feared them.”

It was something she thought of. With regard to me…when people are able to say my name, they understand me. I might not have written that one down properly.

8. I have a ravenous desire to jump and go. I have tenacity married with wisdom. I have been tempered by having made choices that matured me.

9. I’ve had a period of rest that about me, my desire, my dreams. Now is the time to be bold.

10. There are still things left unfinished from this period. Little details that need to be wrapped up.

11. But the new cycle is starting. There are lots of options. Something about the Tower card and the Two of Cups showing a major shift in how I give and receive energy. I have to be willing to be surprised and go with the flow. And feel a sense of peace.

12. Something about a father figure or inner masculine energy need to be balance. A shift of energy will take place.

13. I have all the tools I need.

Ok. Let’s summon all the forces of good. Of acceptance. Of courage. Of generosity. Of forgiveness. Of joy. Of discernment. Of clear sight and listening. Of trusting myself. Of knowing the difference between the duck and the platypus. Of agility to move over, under, through blockages. Of remembering all my various me’s and linking them together.

In the immortal words of Tone Loc, “Let’s do it.”