New Slang

The Shins @ Radio City Music Hall with Asani.

FREE tickets.

I’d never been. It’s spectacular. Breathtaking.

Experiencing things with Asani is always frenetic and joyous. We notice the same things. Numbers everywhere. Signs. We’re very similar. Our brains go to the same places. Things I can’t really talk to anyone else about.

And she’s fucking gorgeous. 6’1” with the cutest gap in her front teeth. She’s 23. Her mom is three months younger than me. But it doesn’t seem to matter.

We could probably get into a lot of trouble together.

She bought us candy at a news stand. This middle-aged man asked me for a hug (you’d be surprised how many strangers ask me for them) and Asani went into warrior mode and shut him down.

We had to hide both her knives because they were checking bags. I smuggled one in and the other she hid in a crack in a wall next door to RCMH.

It was there when we went back for it after the show.

On to Rudy’s for $15 pitchers of red and free hot dogs. Free Bird on the jukebox. Rowdy Brazilians. And my favorite line of the night—a hypothetical from Asani to any man who would do her harm:

“Sir, I will rob you. I will steal your shoes and you will have to walk home barefoot. I’m 6’1”.”

Asani wanted dollar slices after we finished the pitcher so I said…how about good slices at Joe’s on Broadway?

Unfortutely we forgot to pee before leaving the bar. Bathrooms in midtown are hard to find in general
But at 1 in the morning? We bought fries and a cone at McDonalds to get the code but the bathrooms were closed for the night. So was Five Guys. You see, after COVID, NYC isn’t really the city that never sleeps anymore. It sleeps. But we still have to pee.

I asked a traffic cop where to go. He said Port Authority might be out only option. You can only get inside Port Authority at night if you show your bus tickets. In that moment I became a scofflaw for the second time in one evening. I charged past the ticket checker and we walked up the flight of stairs. I contemplated out loud lying to whomever to say were were ex-military to get into the USO facility. But it turned out all we had to do was beg the custodians to let us into the men’s bathroom. It helps to be cute. Or to be with someone exceedingly cute like Asani.

Did I mention she’s a knockout?

Free of burdens, we strolled to Joe’s, got slices, continued talking about all the things, and then waited on the A train home. We live off the same stop.

I didn’t mention the show. Look, I don’t have a place in my heart for The Shins. I identify them with Garden State and manic pixie blah blah blah. But Asani was 11 when she learned of them so I got to see her fan out. But mostly it was about spending quality time with someone I love who affirms me head to toe and loves the weirdo that I am. I’d go to a monster truck rally with this girl.

Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.

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