Being around an addict feels like this:

Your house catches fire. But all the firefighters are tasked with putting out the fire at the coal mine next door because it’s a priority. Everyone is worried about the coal mine fire.

“Don’t make the coal mine fire worse!”

“The coal mine fire is in crisis! We must use all our resources to put it out!”

“Don’t ask for anything! Why can’t you understand how important the coal mine fire is??!!”

It’s a coal mine. That fire is never going out. It will blaze for fifty years like that. Meanwhile your house *will* burn down. And *YOU* are selfish if you ask for help. Everyone else will spend the rest of their lives in crisis mode worrying about the coal mine.

I was born in the middle of several coal mines. I was taught to always think of the coal mine fires first.

I’ll be damned if I ever prioritize a coal mine again. No one is going to teach me anything new about coal mines. I have a Ph.D. in coal mines. If you want to fight the fire, so be it. I’ve packed my bags and I’m getting the hell out of Coalville.