Veneranda Jade

"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

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December 30, 2020

Pet peeves

A list of pet peeves in no particular order: And a pet peeve of Bette Middler’s that led to good.

December 22, 2020

2020: an Earth odyssey

2020 is the year of the caretaker. Anyone who works in the direct service of others. Doctors and nurses and medical staff yeah, but…

December 22, 2020

Baby, you can drive my car

So sue me, I’m on a Beatles kick. Three times I went to the Hertz rental car place off of Eastern Parkway this year….

December 18, 2020

Strong is only part of the title

Some songs just come when they’re needed. Never before had I heard this song until today but it was what I needed to hear….

December 11, 2020

Si a una vez me olvido

In the moment, I saythis hurts;this nick at the corner of my mouththat cracked open some day recentlyin the past. It will not healand…

October 26, 2020

How do you talk to an angel…of doom?

This is the worst song ever manufactured for a fake band to sing for a spin off of Melrose Place. And one of the…

October 12, 2020

Westward ho!

Just in case ya need something on the road…part of a little list I’ve been keeping. MUSIC: Khruangbin (Pichfork Live–Chill stuff) Quantic (Vinyl Set–Chill…

October 5, 2020

Ghost Town

When I’m down, the way I am now, I look exhaustively for tiny discoveries of hope, usually couched in some artistic expression just existing…

October 2, 2020

I know this much is true

If I just stare at the blocks on my quilt, fuschia flowers embroidered on yellow backgrounds, the year could be 2020 or 2004. It…

October 2, 2020

Where’ve all sensations gone?

I don’t have to be strong for anyone today. Pleasant for anyone. Kind to anyone. I don’t have it in me. Usually I can…

September 30, 2020

No one gets off scott free

We’ve gone through a whole wheelhouse of emotion during Covid. In February we had the medical professionals telling us not to worry. The flu…

September 24, 2020

Baby, won’t you let me have a little time to hide?

In all things I am inconstant. My mood vacillates from extreme to extreme. I am capricious. I crave attention, and when it eludes me,…

September 17, 2020

Who’s that girl?

They were young once. Blood coursed through their veins. Air through their lungs. They had passions and fears. What were they thinking about? What…

September 13, 2020

Video killed the radio star

Gender reveal parties, aside from being incindiary, are performative, right? They’re done for the Gram. Remember flash mob proposals? Done for YouTube? Or just…

September 6, 2020

I’m lost in the supermarket

Ownership of information is the exercise of overdeveloped egos. The need to possess things, even intangible things like obscure references and deep cuts, comes…

August 27, 2020

GHF article on dating while gifted

August 22, 2020

A new name for everything

You asked for a pseudonym, so you got one. Voldemort…he who must not be named…but we’ll just go with V. I’m not sure I…

August 18, 2020

The Pauls and the Johns

I’m a pragmatist. And a believer in hope. These things lead me to look toward the future. I know the past well enough…I’m much…

August 10, 2020

All day and all of the night

On the train and thinking. My most cherished quality I have about myself is my tenacity. I don’t give up. Not in goals and…

August 8, 2020

Good

Those last times With the men I’ve known When we knew it was good bye And not just so long They’ve had time to…

August 6, 2020

You didn’t know me when

I don’t know where I’m going with this, but it’s here so I should examine it. Cynicism isn’t really my strong suit. I don’t…

August 6, 2020

Kindness

View this post on Instagram The ever glorious and wonderful Emma Thompson reads “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab Nye. Emma would like to dedicate this…

August 6, 2020

Please don’t bend

Last night was a deep dive into 2016-2017 when I was figuring things out and everything was so very messy. I couldn’t keep my…

July 28, 2020

Self-promos and other nonsense

View this post on Instagram @amyshark #sinkin #lipsync #snapchat A post shared by VA (@vene_la_green_eyez) on Jul 27, 2020 at 10:23pm PDT I don’t…

July 27, 2020

Poesia que escribo cuando no puedo escribir ninguna otra cosa

Vente A mi barrio A mi casa A mi lado Vente Para verme A tocarme Hazme daño Vente Tengo prisa Tengo hambre Tengo dudas…

July 25, 2020

I’ll be your whatever you want

Why does it matter Who loved me Who saw me once as a woman Who craved me Who lamented my loss Who reached out…

July 25, 2020

Miss Universe Storytelling

Temporary

July 24, 2020

Boy, you’ve got me so confused

Something’s up and I don’t know what. I’m fine. But I’m feeling a disturbance in the force. I checked in with myself. I’m good,…

July 23, 2020

I wanna get better

I’m going through the blog and reading over everything this week. I’m trying to distill all these posts and figure out what my writing…

July 22, 2020

Third date sex

I was talking to Tyler recently about dating in general and he mentioned third date sex. What is third date sex? Literally having sex…

July 21, 2020

My Sharona*

This post is kind of a data dump. I went through an old DISC assessment that I did in 2015. There was a commercial…

July 20, 2020

It’s only just out of reach, down a block on a beach

I’ll try to keep this one short but sweet, but I’m not making any promises. 2017 (May): I meet Dan, the 🦄. I swipe…

July 10, 2020

Time, time, time, see what’s become of me

Timing, right. It’s crucial. When to release a film for Oscar contention. When to leave the house to get to the airport in time…

July 4, 2020

Let America be America Again; July 4th, 2020

Let America Be America Again Langston Hughes (1902-1967) Let America be America again. Let it be the dream it used to be. Let it…

June 29, 2020

Come-a listen to my story bout a man named Jed: Mexico and renewable energy

Last night my dad told me that the American Ambassador pulled the Mexican Secretary of State into a meeting to complain about Mexico’s corruption…

June 28, 2020

Carefree: Let’s give people some (safe) space

This article is really well-written and hopefully it helps people see why we not only need to value POC safe spaces but protect them…

June 27, 2020

I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly loved by someone. I don’t even know who. Just I felt confidence and stability and a toggle…

June 21, 2020

I know a place: altruism, the misguided New Man and how to get people to care

Are you familiar with the concept of the New Man? It has its roots in religion and philosophy and has been used by political…

June 20, 2020

Oh bondage! Up yours!

Do you remember 2018? June was probably the worst month. Women who’d felt disenfranchised by Trump were finally awakening and seeing what was happening…

June 18, 2020

Fortunate Son

Father’s Day is on Sunday, and I thought about waiting until then to post this. But I feel it now, so, it’s early. I…

June 13, 2020

Aqui estoy establecido

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” –Martin Luther King DESDE LA CUARTA DECLARACIÓN DE LA SELVA LACANDONA EZLN, 1 Enero, 1996, Chiapas,…

June 12, 2020

Man, I feel like a woman: JK Rowling’s defense and some thoughts

I just read JK Rowling’s defense of her stance on trans women and it’s kind of a mess. I’ll try to articulate her arguments…

June 9, 2020

Taking care of business: government reform and the passing of the baton

The Preamble of the American Constitution (1787) states: “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish…

June 5, 2020

And they’re all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same

In this moment where ignorance is revealing itself, even amongst earnest allies, I want to take a minute to thank the “teachers” in my…

June 2, 2020

What white pacifists don’t understand about their pleas for peace and their use of police violence against peaceful protesters

I need to make you hip to something because some of you out there think you know what you’re talking about when you call…

June 1, 2020

A change is gonna come: Brooklyn 2020/Tucson 2011

This isn’t the time for me to share with you my personal grief. This is a time for others to take the mic. At…

June 1, 2020

Wish I had a socket-set to dismantle this morning

In the early morning, when the weather cooled down to the fifties and Marcus Garvey stilled, I opened my bedroom window and listened to…

May 31, 2020

The time to hesitate is through

I’m in withdrawal. I ask myself, is it thirst? No. Hunger? No. Some vitamin deficiency? No. Alcohol? Cigarettes? Caffeine? No, no, no. I have…

May 30, 2020

A riot of our own

Bastille Day is July 14th. It’s the French national holiday. It is the day that the French working class, sick and tired of being…

May 24, 2020

These days

I’m at SFO sitting in a fun swivel chair with my feet up, listening to Mark Ronson’s Version album. I don’t know when the switch went…

May 21, 2020

Trolls

I have one, which is weird. It doesn’t make me feel anything but perplexed that someone would take time to heckle me…more than once….

May 21, 2020

Fight the power

When I was in high school, our biology book had this picture in it (or something similar). And for IB Biology we had to…

May 19, 2020

The power of love (or sex…whatever)

Teen sex was fun for me. That’s the great thing about losing your virginity to a friend with no emotions involved. It meant there…

May 18, 2020

No sleep til…Brooklyn

I feel a little broken tonight. It’s taken so much out of me. I just want someone to come and tell me they will…

May 17, 2020

Message in a bottle

Edit: Originally published on 5/17/2020 7/22/2020: I took this down because it felt pretentious at the time, but I’m putting it back up because…

May 16, 2020

Halcyon days

There was a time when I learned the sacred values of words. If you overuse a word it can lose its meaning, its power….

May 10, 2020

Listen to your heart: advice to you when you feel stuck

I’m here in Tucson. I have a flight out, for now at least. I don’t know if I should extend my stay or go…

May 6, 2020

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes-Benz

I have accepted the 10 Days of Birthday Gifts challenge from no one in particular. My birthday is June 15th, and with shipping the…

April 30, 2020

Shitty poetry when I can’t think straight

A word for every place and thing But I don’t make a sound So used to hearing my own voice When there’s no one…

April 28, 2020

Fuck Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pseudoscience bullshit

Here is one of many articles explaining why it’s wrong. People are using this hierarchy right now to justify all sorts of terrible behavior….

April 27, 2020

No song title this time

I can only say it so many ways. I’m losing the battle here in Tucson. I’m losing touch with anything good inside me. And…

April 20, 2020

One, two princes here before you: a boy I once loved and the words I never could

Edit: From January Today was was a gorgeous winter day where unexpected help was found, where generosity was touching, and where I realized that…

April 15, 2020

It’s up to you, New York

When I was 11, I went on a gifted school trip to Washington, D.C. It was my first trip to the East Coast. It…

April 15, 2020

Lonesome town article for GHF Dialogue

Lonesome Town: How This Gifted Girl Unapologetically Navigates Friendship

April 10, 2020

We are made of our longest days: Bernie Sanders folks, do not despair

To my Bernie folks and to your Bernie folks: I know you are disheartened. I understand. You see all the injustices out there and…

April 7, 2020

Something: the Beatles and faith

  Today is a Beatles kind of day. I didn’t come to faith of my own volition. I am a “man of science.” But…

April 5, 2020

Lean on me

Three things: 1. The AirBNB owner came over yesterday and we talked about all the woo woo. She’s a former chemist and statistician. She’s…

April 4, 2020

Money, it’s also a liquid! How about we try to save the economy?

Here are my thoughts: the federal government is not suited to direct dissemination of funds to the public. They’re requiring tax returns for verification….

April 3, 2020

First I was afraid, I was petrified

I’ve been on a ventilator. It saved my life. And even if I haven’t cured cancer or written the great American novel or married…

April 2, 2020

In my life

You know what sounds really good right now? Buying local. Buying American. Employing Americans. Respecting American labor. Treating it like the National resource it…

March 30, 2020

Wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door

I have this superstition about New Year’s Eve. I mean, everyone has superstitions about New Year’s Eve. Wear red underwear. Eat 12 grapes. Sweep…

March 29, 2020

Love it if we made it: Matty Healy’s plea for compassion at the O2

Do me a favor and click into the video at 40 minutes in so you can see a speech I saw live on December…

March 26, 2020

But it’s all right now, I learned my lesson well

I say Cary Elwes was my first big crush, but I already had a thing for Ricky Nelson by that point. Afternoons in front…

March 26, 2020

And now I know ‘Spanish Harlem’ are not just pretty words to say

If you want happy, go check out my Instagram stories/feed. There’s plenty there to keep you occupied. This is where I’ve come today to…

March 24, 2020

Gardening at night: fresh produce supply chains in the time of Covid-19

Note: this isn’t to scare you. This is just stuff I have some knowledge of and a good hunch about. My hunches tend to…

March 21, 2020

Ready, steady, go…and all the things she said…on social media

That’s virtual Matty Healy. Here’s my Facebook cleanse for anyone who wants to follow. Consult your doctor before engaging. Individual results will vary. 1….

March 20, 2020

Woo hoo, witchy woman

I’m writing this only for posterity and to show you maybe how this thing works. I don’t know the future. I just know there’s…

March 18, 2020

Got a black magic woman

More on the woo woo. But I’ll keep it short this time. So you know that I gave a speech at the U.N. back in…

March 16, 2020

I don’t like going outside so bring me everything here: Problems in the time of Covid-19

First the small and then the big. Small: deliveries from Grove by UPS I just want UPS to deliver my package. Simple, right? It’s…

March 15, 2020

It’s the end of the world as we know it

Stick with me for a bit. This one’s a bit of a rollercoaster ride but I think I might have a point. Be prepared…

March 12, 2020

Hot for teacher

I took two semesters of English in college needlessly. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. The University of…

March 8, 2020

I’m leaving on a jet plane

This one is really dark. I don’t want you reading this if my retelling of abuse and suicide attempt is going to trigger you….

March 7, 2020

Soup is good food

I made butternut squash soup today. It’s was ridiculously easy. Peel, clean and chop a butternut squash. Do the same to a green apple….

March 7, 2020

That thing you do!

You can’t just separate the good from the bad in a person. That’s what makes things so confusing. But I like to remember the…

March 5, 2020

What are you? Not the border wall.

I get this a lot. And there are very few people who can understand. Growing up in Nogales is a unique experience. Nogales is…

March 5, 2020

Character study for later use

It is cruel to be kind at times. And the best characters are flawed. —————- She’s eager to please and acts like a Jewish…

March 3, 2020

Ever fallen in love, in love with someone//You shouldn’t have fallen in love with?

When you have a blog, you might not know who reads or how they even find you. I’ve been writing here for about a…

March 1, 2020

The honest truth about PTSD

Anger is one of those feelings people are funny about it. Women, at least the ones I grew up with, aren’t supposed to get…

March 1, 2020

Open up your heart and let the sunshine in

First of all, happy Sunday!!!! Don’t you just love Carol Channing? She was such a ray of sunshine. Every hipster in L.A. would kill…

February 28, 2020

More Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans: being autistic in a neurotypical world

The above clip from Selena is something every Mexican-American born after 1975 can quote to you by heart because it sums up our experience…

February 27, 2020

Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock ‘n roll high school

The last few weeks of high school were such a blur to me. My high school offered the IB diploma. International Baccalaureate was and…

February 25, 2020

I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?

I feel like Dan Hedaya in Joe Versus The Volcano a lot these days. I don’t think people understand there is a difference between…

February 25, 2020

From the vault: Paddling for my life with a hidden disability

Note: This originally ran in the online magazine Fierce by Mitù in late 2018, which is why it is heavy handed with the Latina…

February 24, 2020

I heard there was a secret chord: autism, synesthesia, and the dentist

You hear the word synesthesia and to you it might mean seeing the color blue when you hear jazz music. That’s cute. I wish…

February 23, 2020

Money for nothing and your chick’s for free

Here’s a FB post I  wrote two days ago after realizing something: I’m giving myself a lot more permission to say no to people….

February 22, 2020

Betty Crocker, punk rocker

I’ve been thinking back a lot lately on who I am. Like, what is it about my past that illustrates who I am. When…

February 22, 2020

Don’t want to be an American idiot

Bernie isn’t the Messiah come to lead the revolution. At most he’s a minor prophet. I’ve read upwards of forty articles in the past…

February 21, 2020

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?

I don’t understand people when they talk about their jobs. This isn’t a dig at people with every day jobs. It’s an observation. I…

February 19, 2020

I just want to feel something again

Edit: Name redacted at request of subject If my posts have been extra negative lately, there’s a reason. I broke it off with XXXX….

February 18, 2020

Barbarism begins at home

Hello from the fuck ups. We’re the family members who let you down. Who ruin holidays. Who can be counted on to have messy…

February 17, 2020

Witchy woman

I’m really good at making things happen out of thin air. I write them as fiction or just send an intention out into the…

February 15, 2020

She’s a good girl, loves her mama

Someone threw me for a loop recently. I showed them my baby book. It’s filled with all the minutia of my least interesting years,…

February 14, 2020

New endeavor with GHF Dialogue

Fitz and the Tantrums; or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Gift

February 13, 2020

The purge

Six days and nights is a lot of time to lay on your back with nothing to occupy your mind. It’s exactly what I…

February 11, 2020

Lonesome town

Something happened recently that brought up a whole swell of stuff I did not want to deal with when I’m six days into a…

February 10, 2020

I’m not angry anymore

I could tell you all about my fuck ups…and God are there a plethora…but most of them I knew were bad decisions going in….

February 5, 2020

Welcome to my life, tattoo

I got this ink in two parts back in 2017. It was part of the process of becoming who I am today. First came…

February 4, 2020

You’re so vain

All this talk about JLo at 50 has got me thinking about aging. Aging well, aging gracefully, but most of all aging without apology….

February 3, 2020

Jenny from the block

The Super Bowl halftime show got me thinking about my own brush with J.Lo, which would never have happened if I didn’t have bipolar…

January 29, 2020

Fix you

Current mood: liberated! What was last night? Probably the best affirmation of putting myself in the path of good things. But first let me…

January 28, 2020

Shit poems and other things you write when you feel like crap

When you have nowhere to sleep And you’re lost in the night With no one to keep you safe from fright When the road…

January 27, 2020

Redemption song

This Kobe thing has me thinking. Yeah, he was a whiny bitch and he brought the art of flopping in basketball to new heights,…

January 25, 2020

I want to fall asleep to the beat of you breathing

Edit: name redacted at request of subject So you know why they want to sleep with me, but let me tell you another reason…

January 21, 2020

Building a mystery

Keeper of the flame: back in the day, it was someone’s job to keep a fire stoked for utilitarian and spiritual uses. Figurative keepers…

January 17, 2020

To all the boys I’ve loved before

Wow, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? You look good. Really. The boy I liked at seven, Jaime Olaiz the fall of 1993, the…

January 16, 2020

Bad Days

Edit: name redacted at request of subject I remember a lot of days growing up when it would just be my dad and me….

January 15, 2020

Now that we’ve found love what are we gonna do with it?

January starts with a bang and just keeps going. Everyone has a million projects while dealing with, at a minimum, low grade depression. Try…

January 14, 2020

Where the streets have no name

I’m in need of a road trip, I think. So many good memories. Of eating scrambled egg sandwiches on white bread with mayonnaise in…

January 11, 2020

From the vault; 2016

I don’t think so wrote this with anyone in mind, but probably D. ——– If I loved you If I loved you, there would…

January 10, 2020

We can be heroes

Ok, let’s say your brain can hold a lot of data. Maybe pi to the 20th digit. Maybe the opening moves for 20 famous…

January 8, 2020

Spanish bombs, yo te quiero y finito

During the terrible days of the Cuban Missile Crisis, the top brass came up with a protocol for whisking away the heads of the…

January 7, 2020

Stuff from the attic; 2017

Found this on Hitrecord.com. That site was a bust for me. But this piece isn’t so bad. ———– I wake up in the morning…

January 3, 2020

Happy anniversary to me

Without delving too far into the details, I had to get married when I was 24. On January 3, 2004. It was not a…

January 2, 2020

40 oz On Repeat

I’m pretty sure this song was written about me.     I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me To talk to somebody…

January 2, 2020

More than words

For being a writer, I kinda dislike words. Basically, they’re all just sounds that our brains direct our bodies to make and then we…

January 2, 2020

Don’t go chasing waterfalls

This is explicit, but not about me. Sex storytelling YouTube video Storytelling, I have come to learn, is so cathartic for both performer and…

January 1, 2020

A change of heart

The 1975–Live at the O2 12.17.2016 What do the simple folk do? To help them escape when they’re blue? It’s just struck 12, January…

December 30, 2019

Girls just want to have fun

Dear Greta, I first became acquainted with Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women in the fall of 1992. That is a lie. I’d read it once in…

December 28, 2019

And all I ever do is think of yesterday

“I don’t hate hardly ever, and when I love, I love for miles and miles. A love so big it should either be outlawed…

December 25, 2019

Anthem

If ever I had one, it would be this little ditty by Fiona Apple. Merry Xmas, Vene 25.12.2019 Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY I certainly haven’t…

December 24, 2019

Breathe, breath in the air

He is a meditation. My heartbeat slows. My breath is deep. I swoon from the oxygen. I get a little high. In the same…

December 23, 2019

It’s a most wonderful time of the year

The way my empathy (and maybe yours) expresses itself is through the physical. I get really calm around people who are nervous. My voice…

December 23, 2019

La Tortura

Pain is the feeling of injustice expelling from my body through hot tears running down red cheeks whenever I try to pay a my…

December 21, 2019

Only the good die young

Living the life that I’ve had, I’ve became accustomed to surviving. Not quite living, but more like floating around like a virus; a twisted…

December 17, 2019

Suppose I never ever met you

Be prepared for woo woo. Not too much. Just a little. I grew up in a strict Catholic house. No woo woo allowed. Well,…

December 16, 2019

All the leaves are brown

Heading into the city to get acupuncture for pain everywhere. I don’t write about how bad it is. How I don’t sleep because of…

December 13, 2019

Her face is a map of the world

This is a story about that time I reached peak coolness. A trip to the beach, an international train ride, rowdy college kids, room…

December 10, 2019

Brenda and Eddie

Something I was asked to write last year but never got published. I’m presenting it as is. It’s June 15, 2018. It’s my birthday….

December 8, 2019

How to disappear completely

I wanted to be an astronaut so bad as a kid. Dino and I used to spend our recess time sitting in a tire…

December 7, 2019

Immigrant song

I come from a different land. My people settled the Santa Cruz River Valley back in 10,000 B.C., if we are to believe archeological…

December 7, 2019

Just try a little tenderness

I live in a vertical city. Up and down. Up and down. Sometimes a little to the right or left. But mostly up some…

December 4, 2019

Baby, it’s cold outside

Thanksgiving weekend was…complicated. I went in trying to gather all the life lessons that would shore me up for the triggers I anticipated encountering….

December 1, 2019

23&me

I took a clerkship the first summer of law school at a swanky firm in Tucson, mostly on the feeling that it was the…

December 1, 2019

And this is how it starts

On Friday, I went to Friendsgiving. The fun part: just talking with two kids I don’t really know. Kids. (22 and 26). The trying…

November 28, 2019

Thanksgiving Storytelling

So now you’ll know something you probably never knew about me. It was a good story at GEMS tonight. First off, I wore my…

November 27, 2019

Lionsong

When I was 21, I moved home to recover from PTSD that resulted from a protracted mugging at Grand Central Station. I couldn’t take…

November 27, 2019

You were meant for me

If you only get one true love in life, he is mine. I used to get insanely jealous of anyone else stealing his attention….

November 26, 2019

I know what boys like

Boys who are scrappy. Who are a bit rugged. Who know how a transmission works. Who can play a decent game of pool. Who…

November 26, 2019

Pure moods

💁🏻‍♀️: so what have you been up to? 💁🏼‍♀️: well you know, busy busy busy…just taking the kids to school and buying presents for…

November 24, 2019

Downright Kafka-esque

“When he was 40, the renown Bohemian novelist and short story writer FRANZ KAFKA (1883–1924), who never married and had no children, was strolling…

November 24, 2019

Punk’s not dead

This never happens. So I’m going to explain it. I was standing by the merch table after the show. And this guy I went…

November 23, 2019

Riddle me this, Batman

Who do I know in Israel who would be looking at my blog? I can’t figure out if it’s a bot. First and second…

November 21, 2019

Last night

I went out last night to meet Maddie in the west Village. My makeup was pretty crazy. It always is. But it was especially…

November 19, 2019

She lays down

I messed up last night. By accident I sent an Instagram post about healing your inner child to Goran Visnjic, the hot Balkan dude…

November 17, 2019

I will survive

Last week was all about releasing energy in positive ways, but also a lot of stress that comes with travel. Today is about harnessing…

November 16, 2019

But if you want to live in New York City, honey, you know I will

I forgot to post this back when it happened: I live across from a men’s homeless shelter in Brooklyn. It’s not a big deal….

November 16, 2019

I’m weird therefore I am

I like to start out with new friends by telling them I’m weird. Then they quickly tell me I’m not, as if to assure…

November 15, 2019

El encuentro

Entre caricias y suspiros Te encuentro Entre el pierdo de razón Y el busco de esperanza Vivo yo De la soledad no tengo miedo…

November 12, 2019

The Marais; 2004

There’s a gravel path that crunches under my feet. We’re racing against the light. A casual walk in our neighborhood in the 3rd arrondisement…

November 11, 2019

Interlude

Ok folks. I’m at the airport. JFK with a 10:22 (edit: 22:10, thanks dylexia) flight to CDG. The people watching is choice. Unlike the…

November 9, 2019

I like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful and yet so unaware of it

I love Paris in the springtime. I love Paris in the fall.  I think you get where I’m going with this. On Sunday evening,…

November 7, 2019

Total eclipse of the heart

April 8, 2024. A total eclipse of the sun, viewable from NYC. If I’m still alive and kicking by then I want a date…

November 6, 2019

The Secret Garden

You wouldn’t think it, but once upon a time I was a gardener. I had a beautiful little yard behind my home in Tucson….

November 6, 2019

My psychic said:

A lot of things. That he wouldn’t wish NYC for his worst enemy, but it’s ideal for me. The creative forces and the higher…

November 6, 2019

I take one…one…one cuz you left me

I sometimes (very rarely) get angry out of nowhere. I check myself pretty quickly. Am I hungry? Am I tired? Am I cold or…

November 5, 2019

Autism and disability

Autism TEDx talk The average lifespan of an autistic is 54 years. Autistics are chronically unemployed or underemployed. They face health outcomes that are…

November 3, 2019

Meet Virginia

Regrets are stones Loaded into lint-lined pockets Of an old winter coat So absorbent So encompassing That drags you down Below the surface Until…

October 31, 2019

UES Part 3: Halloween

It’s drizzling outside, which is to say there are not drops big enough to necessitate an umbrella but it is so humid that any…

October 30, 2019

Let’s talk about sex

Rolla Henri Gervex (1878) I’ve talked about having sex but have I talked about the sex itself here? I only say this because I…

October 28, 2019

Chuckles

My first swing at stand up. The Estrogen Hour, September 2018. Laughs are more addictive than heroin. Or so I’ve heard. vene-stand-up.m4a

October 28, 2019

If you like piña coladas

Did I tell this one already? I don’t know, so I’ll tell it again. As my marriage was collapsing, a lot of strange things…

October 27, 2019

Where is my mind?

There are days when my brain fires on all cylinders and everything feels so good that I get greedy for stimulation. I want to…

October 24, 2019

Proud Mary

I told a story at Halyards tonight. GEMS is a once a month show co-hosted by the inimitable Sharon Spell and loquacious Molly Cameron….

October 22, 2019

Cucurucucu paloma

Today was rainy. Or at least misty enough to ruin one’s hair and others’ suede pumps. What a shame. Suede pumps are among my…

October 20, 2019

The teaches of peaches

Rainy days are a cause for celebration when one has a stocked fridge. I got home at 4:30 a.m. this morning after watching Joker…

October 19, 2019

Tommy Boy

These are more for me than for you but maybe you’ll like ’em too. I’ll probably edit this later. I really, really, really need…

October 19, 2019

By your side

So what of my love? How do I convey what is in my heart so that you can grasp that which only I feel?…

October 18, 2019

You know I’m no good

Wednesday: It’s been raining most of the day. I’ve been sick with a cold and haven’t left the apartment since Saturday night when I…

October 15, 2019

Exclusif! Seulement en novembre! A Paris!

I’m going to Paris November 11-15. I just bought the tickets. It’s my favorite thing to do in the whole wide world through the…

October 14, 2019

Cool girl blues, NYC, Summer 2017

How am I? How am I? I don’t even know where to start. For one thing, I’m on a Southwest flight, flying in the…

October 12, 2019

Time after time

I don’t know why they always circle back but they do. I file them under finished business and forget about them. And then they…

October 11, 2019

In case of emergency, break glass and read this, Vene

Emma Thompson on her failure at funny, Vogue I didn’t feel funny in class. Again. I drank seven cups of coffee today by accident….

October 11, 2019

Descansa en paz, Maria Elena

I’ve had a lot of unusual experiences on Facebook. I don’t keep many acquaintances there and I’m not looking for friends. I don’t bond…

October 10, 2019

UES pt. 2/I pulled into Nazareth just a feelin’ ’bout a half past dead

I’m on the UES again. I just came from the dentist. My mouth is numb and I’m slurring my words a bit. I have…

October 9, 2019

Zat was zen and zis is now

I’ve sinned a lot, I’m mean a lot But I’m like sweet seventeen a lot Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I Twenty-three years…

October 8, 2019

Audentis Fortuna Iuvat

More than anything in the world, I just want to be inspired. I need a muse. Maybe a couple. I’ve been thinking about writing…

October 7, 2019

I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down

I feel weak. I’ve been in bed almost exclusively for three days. I’m finally a man of my word. But it hasn’t been out…

October 6, 2019

She’ll make her way

I got word from Tucson that people have been asking about me. They hope I am sticking it out. They say NYC can be…

October 5, 2019

De golpe

The plan was simple. To see Pain and Glory, the new Almodóvar movie, at the Angelika on the LES. We bought tickets ahead of…

October 4, 2019

Turn around, look at what you see

The Neverending Story clip All he has to do is give me a new name. He’s already chosen it. He just has to say…

October 3, 2019

At Seventeen

So you’re a tough guy Like-it-really-rough guy Just-can’t-get-enough guy Chest-always-so-puffed guy I’m that bad type Make-your-mama-sad type Make-your-girlfriend-mad type Might-seduce-your-dad type I’m the bad…

October 1, 2019

It’s not living if it’s not with you

Date was postponed for tomorrow night. The Bowery Electric. Ty Segall. Good thing because I need live music in my life. I honestly don’t…

October 1, 2019

Joe Versus The Volcano

This movie came out when I was ten. I loved it for the zaniness. For the soundtrack. For Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. For…

October 1, 2019

Pablo

Pablo Neruda (Né Ricardo Eliécer Neftalí Reyes Basoalto) 12 de julio de 1904 – 23 de septiembre de 1973

September 30, 2019

UES pt. 1: Movin’ on up

Today was all about investments in the future and trips to the past. I’m on the UES by accident. At a diner, or what…

September 29, 2019

Johnny Lee Miller and funny feeling I get

He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week… …and my Sunday rest. I’m in bed, on a glorious Sunday…

September 29, 2019

Takin’ it easy

I’m in a Via on the LES, a block away from the AirBNB I stayed at for a few nights in June 2018. I…

September 27, 2019

Come rain or come shine

Judy and Babs—Happy days/Shout Hallelujah I need a moment to compose myself. I just got out of the theater at the Angelika. I saw…

September 25, 2019

A pamphlet on the application for suitors; from a friend of the female sex; part one.

I didn’t know what to expect. When I order men out of a catalog, I usually go on impulse. The more questions I have…

September 24, 2019

Après moi le deluge

The Armenian said one thing that haunts me. He said that Russian women are the most romantic women ever. They are poor, fatherless and…

September 24, 2019

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high

I’m putting this saga to bed. A whole life in just one week (October 11-20, 2018) folded up, wrapped in tissue paper and placed…

September 23, 2019

Letter to Vene, aged 35, from Vene, aged 40

Dear Vene, Congratulations, and my sincerest apologies. You have chosen to embark on a lifelong journey of writing. It is not without some serious…

September 21, 2019

There are suitors at my door

Shakespeare, at heart, was a feminist. I couldn’t have said it better. SCENE I. A hall in LEONATO’S house. Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE,…

September 20, 2019

Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand// Sometimes you turn your back to the wind

We lived in a relatively posh house for Tucson and for being in our twenties. Our house backed up onto a house rented to…

September 15, 2019

Mis mascotas estan en casa de mis papas.

September 15, 2019

Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes// too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens

I went into this weekend world weary and just plain tired. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. Talking late into the night,…

September 12, 2019

We said if you don’t got Mojo Nixon then your store could use some fixin’

Hey there world, it’s me, Vene, you’re third favorite travel and shopping guide extraordinaire with some tips on how to make the best of…

September 8, 2019

Try Life: Millennial Edition

Sometimes when I’m feeling the teensy bit nihilistic, I get my septum pierced. Ear plugs too. Not because I’ll look good…I’ll be beyond looks…but…

September 6, 2019

Kill the man bun you meet on the road…Part One

These three dudes of Greenpoint they are Bespectacled bros, they traveled from far Fla-an-nel clad With money from Da-a-d And they all play guitar…

September 1, 2019

If ever I would leave you, it wouldn’t be in autumn

And thus inauspiciously began another September. The month of the loneliness birds. The month of the ultimate crushing blow. The month when sunlight begins…

August 29, 2019

Paint by numbers: a mini reflection on what I am doing here

As of today I have 90 posts, 601 visitors and 1,425 views on the blog I started back in May. I’ve written 44.2k words….

August 27, 2019

Stealth Dyslexia

First read this: Stealth Dyslexia: Does Your Child Have An Issue I was gifted from the word “Go.” By two-years old I spoke Spanish…

August 27, 2019

Love at the end of August: a year; a block away; a lifetime ago

The following are notes I took last year at the end of August, as I was leaving Brooklyn for Tucson, most likely never to…

August 26, 2019

Try Life: Part Deux

When I’m feeling a bit nihilistic, I apply to business school. I tell everyone I’m an ENTJ and that they’re the only ones who…

August 25, 2019

Baby, now that I’ve found you I won’t let you go

Last night I went to a history roast at Caveat with Maddie. It was a comedy show wherein comedians did power point presentations taking…

August 23, 2019

Try life: a tribute

When I’m feeling particularly nihilistic, I get the urge to smoke Virginia Slims, drink 7 & 7’s, tan til I’m crispy, and call up…

August 19, 2019

Physical pain and autism

I just got back from the oral surgeon. Before he started, I told him I was autistic and I’d need extra anesthesia. He said…

August 18, 2019

It’s not me, it’s you: article on fixed mindsets and the whiny liars who have them

Fixed vs. Growth Mindsets This article is great at explaining certain types of people to me. Basically, it’s the gloomy types who think the…

August 18, 2019

He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

I grew up in a family of girls. Boys, therefore, were an enigma to me. Especially brothers. I studied them from afar and came…

August 13, 2019

And you alway try to do your best// And just pray for God to do the rest// When it’s family

It was with heartbreak and terror that I first read the news last weekend. A man, armed with bullets and hatred, stoked by fear…

August 13, 2019

All that summer we enjoyed it, wind and rain and shine

It’s drizzling and I can hear the sound of cars on wet asphalt outside. That sticky sound of masking tape being pulled from a…

August 8, 2019

Back in the US…back in the US…back in the USSR

I’m at a commie bar in the LES, but not the commie bar I went to in 2000 that was underground at a train…

August 6, 2019

Left of west and coming in a hurry with a fury

It feels like the end, doesn’t it? At least to people with perception. I find myself holding back in mixed company. My ranting sounds…

August 1, 2019

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me

I’m sitting in a theater on 42nd for the first time since 2000. The last time I was here I saw Loser. And what…

July 30, 2019

Everything old is new again

A year ago today, I was on the brink of moving to Brooklyn for a month. I had to get out of Arizona. The…

July 30, 2019

I feel like glitter

I identify with Carrie so much. So so much. You can tell how I’m feeling by my glitter too. Right now I have eyelids…

July 23, 2019

His name was Mark Garity

Mark Garity’s Murderer Sentenced To 20 Years They sentenced Mark Garity’s murderer yesterday to 20 years. He’d put a gun to Mark’s head and…

July 22, 2019

Fitz and the Tantrums: bucking the standard and the loneliness of being a pioneer

The standard fit Ever been to the Smithsonian and seen the kitchen Julia Child’s husband built for her? It’s a grand kitchen. A place…

July 21, 2019

Just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in: Notes on SENG

I’m not done processing, but these are the things I noticed: 1) The struggle is real. The first panel I heard talked about disparities…

July 18, 2019

Observations on a voyage across a continent: Newark to Houston edition

It’s a travel day, and you know what that means: weird observations about mundane things I make into giant deals. 1) I saw the…

July 16, 2019

Executive Functioning: the standard bearer of my autism

First listen to this: Anxious Mess Podcast My friend Maddie, who has a graduate degree in Narrative Medicine from Columbia, sent it to me….

July 11, 2019

It’s not in my head: female pain and the doctors who refuse to acknowledge it

So some mixed results today. I saw a doctor at no cost, but he failed to listen to me. He was perfunctory. He was…

July 8, 2019

Mexico Lindo y Querido

Waking up and going for a pre-breakfast walk on the beach. Fresh cut papaya. Chilaquiles con crema. Menudo, the white kind. Beer out of…

July 8, 2019

Fat Cat…Christopher Street: Tribute

I’m at Fat Cat, watching a friend Jack (Colombian Israeli) play piano. But he’s not THE Israeli. I’ve forgotten that Israeli with the next…

June 30, 2019

I love my therapist and my therapist loves me

When my therapist gives me advice in Star Wars terms because we’re both nerds.

June 28, 2019

Pride Eve

I was gonna make a one minute video but I can’t because I wanna feel free to talk about what happened tonight and I…

June 27, 2019

That one time? At Peter Luger?

When I was 20, back in 2000, the man I would marry (let’s call him Shmanny) worked for a tech company in Tucson. Now,…

June 24, 2019

Miscellany

I decided to stop talking about the guys I go out with because, well, 1) I have to stop treating real live people like…

June 19, 2019

High functioning according to whom?

From the outside I look normal. Well, fat and normal. Well, fat and maybe a bit eccentric. I’ve got red lipstick on, my bangs…

June 17, 2019

All I wanted was a Pepsi

When I was three, I asked my dad’s secretary why she was an “India.” An “India” is a rather derogatory term in Spanish with…

June 17, 2019

And these children that you spit on

To invoke a great writer, Chinua Achebe, things fall apart. Last October when I decided to move here, to Brooklyn, I thought I had…

June 14, 2019

We’ll fill in the details a bit later, but for now, a one and a two and a…

June 13, 2019

Two nights left…

This could be the PMS talking. Or just the existential angst that visits upon me at my birthday like some Dickensian ghost come to…

June 13, 2019

Just the facts:

Saw Rooney (well just Robert Schwartzman) at Murmrr last night Hung out with Nathalia Met her friend Bob, who is an acclaimed music producer…

June 10, 2019

And the beat goes on: my bullies, my autism, myself

I think I hit Christina once in second grade. I say “I think” because I don’t remember doing it even once, but repercussions were…

June 9, 2019

An embarrassment of riches

Alright, alright, alright. I’m exhausted, but you knew that already. I’m at La Esquina being *forced* to drink free sangria given to me for…

June 6, 2019

One year later…

Look, I can’t tell you the foolishness I got up to last night, but I’ve got a few thoughts: • A Colombian-Israeli Jazz musician…

June 4, 2019

One revolution, two revolution, three revolutions of GovBall

Two years ago today I was lamenting my trip to NYC, something that I’d parsed over a thousand times, because I really liked the…

May 30, 2019

Be careful what you wish…

I’m in bed. Yes, you heard that right, a bed. It took many hands to realize this wonder. Night 20. It’s 2:46 a.m. And…

May 29, 2019

May 28, 2018

Her crazy stories were juxtaposed best by her childlike nature. She could curse like a sailor, but somehow it never seemed quite as vulgar…

May 28, 2019

Note to self

My boxes came. Twenty-two plus a box spring. The poor Puerto Rican dude who dropped them off was struggling. He has the flu. Been…

May 28, 2019

Oy with the poodles already!

I’ve said a lot about this one. The Odyssey Storytelling November 2018 Of all the people I ever met, he was one I wish…

May 27, 2019

New phone. Who dis?

I have someone bugging me. Two voices really. They’re going at it. One’s on a budgie and the other acts like money just appears…

May 24, 2019

This is what I came for

I got real sick my first week in Brooklyn. My lungs are still singing the mating call of the consumptives. That first week was…

May 23, 2019

That time I found my soulmate on Fresh Direct

May 23, 2019

My money maker

In Williamsburg. My Uber driver and I talked on the way from Bed Stuy. He said I had a very nice face and if…

May 22, 2019

And in the end…

He tells you about the Japanese girl he fell in love with in his 20’s before he knew that love was precious. He left…

May 21, 2019

Latuda, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb

Aaaaargh. So, there was this period during the marriage, the divorce and for a while after where I felt like my body was betraying…

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1.20.2009 We bought tickets the night of the elect 1.20.2009
We bought tickets the night of the election. As soon as they called Michigan. “If Obama wins....we’re going to the inauguration.”

Even on the flight itself everyone was ecstatic. People sang hymns.

I was terrified of the cold then. It was 14 degrees out and I dressed up as the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. We had to wake up early to take the Metro into the city. There were swarms of people. But no one pushed. We were all going to the same place at the same time. The Mall. To witness history. 

The throngs of people amassed at the checkpoints onto the Mall and it became obvious that we had to keep walking back until we could find a way on. We walked and walked until we were by the Washington Monument, way too far to see Obama with our own eyes. But they’d erected giant screens down the length of the Mall so we could all see it. And breathe, finally, after eight years of what we thought then was the worst it could possibly get. 

A short nine months later, I’d be back in D.C., this time to attend a concert at the White House. What a crazy good time that was.
I talk to this man almost every night. He has his I talk to this man almost every night. He has his own ringtone so I know when he’s calling. It’s Darth Vader’s theme because, if you couldn’t tell by the resemblance, he’s my father. Richard Aguirre. Ricardo. “Dick Uh-guire”. Gordo. 

He taught me to fish, to ride a quad, to play pool, to drive stick, and how to talk sense into a man, even when he’s your own dad. 

He’s got the charisma of ten regular men and better luck too. The guy works hard and plays harder. At close to 75, he can still kick ass and take names on the golf course.

I’ll never not be #daddyslittlegirl . He’s the only only only man I’d ever allow to call me “baby.”

#immigrantswegetthejobdone #firstgeneration
10.23.1993 Just by luck my mother, my sisters and 10.23.1993
Just by luck my mother, my sisters and I came upon a celebration of the 200th anniversary of the United States #Capitol. President Bill Clinton, members of the Senate and House of Representatives, Justice Blackmun and various dignitaries were in attendance. President Clinton gave the speech I’ve recorded in the following slides. The statue of Freedom, newly restored was placed atop the Capitol by a helicopter. Liza Minelli sang America The Beautiful. This is my America. And I take the words of our forebearers to heart. It is up to us to ensure a more perfect Union for those who follow. We owe that to the future
#oneminuterundown #gifted #firstgrade #lefties #le #oneminuterundown #gifted #firstgrade #lefties #lefthandedproblems #tomsawyer #detention I’m never gonna learn #nogalesarizona #nycstorytelling
#fbf NYE 2004. Back in #tucson, a million years an #fbf NYE 2004. Back in #tucson, a million years and several lifetimes ago. This NYE was solemn but lovely. Brooklyn cheered outside my window and fireworks crackled in the sky. My father called at midnight (my time) to sing”New York, New York” to me.
A little wisdom from a little bear A little wisdom from a little bear
Halloween 2017. A boy (he really was...a first yea Halloween 2017. A boy (he really was...a first year grad student) asked me out on a sort of date the night before at @clubcongress when I was dressed as Michelle from #romyandmichelle (which took place in a fictional school in Tucson). 

Neither of us had costumes. I asked if he had a suit. He did. He put his hair back in a ponytail and dressed as Vincent Vega. I cut bangs in my blue hair, temporarily hemmed black pants into puddle jumpers, poured fake blood on my face, and went to meet him at @sheltercocktaillounge in #Tucson.

Yes, I am the weirdo. But this is what happens to #thespians when they grow up.
Christmas time in #tucson and #nogales going backw Christmas time in #tucson and #nogales going backwards from 1994 to 1980.
#oneminuterundown #throwback to April when I was i #oneminuterundown #throwback to April when I was in Tucson and told a one minute story for @gemsstories about the time I went to @disneyland to complete a homework assignment for Jazz History class.
#nycstorytelling #brandnameketchup
#oneminuterundown #sundaynights #wishfulmakeuping #oneminuterundown #sundaynights #wishfulmakeuping #nogalesarizona #thirteen #lesmiserables #eponine #onmyown #unrequitedlove #noahwyle #keanureeves #christianbale @iammarkronson
I had the honor of getting to share a story with p I had the honor of getting to share a story with people back home as part of December’s @odysseystorytelling virtual event. I loved performing with Tucson’s best storytellers when I lived in #tucson and am so grateful to still be able to do it even though I’m far away now. The show is up on YouTube. This month’s theme: snowflake. 

Such nice things said about me. I wasn’t expecting that at all. It’s humbling to hear. 

And wouldn’t you know I’m now living in snow, far from my once desert home.
#nycstorytelling
I got the cutest sweater in the mail today. Ally S I got the cutest sweater in the mail today. Ally Sheedy in St. Elmo’s Fire meets Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club. After the day I had today, I can’t stop smiling. And if Instagram is for posterity, might as well capture the happy moments. 
#grateful #trust #alwaysfiltered
#bedstuy #sunset #timelapse #bedstuy #sunset #timelapse
@vandalsofficial #oitotheworld 12.11.2010 @clubc @vandalsofficial 
#oitotheworld 
12.11.2010
@clubcongress 
#tucsonaz
Back in the day When I was young I’m not a kid Back in the day 
When I was young
I’m not a kid anymore
But some days
I sit and wish I was a kid again
#ahmad #nogales #thespian
Great to get to talk about #autismawareness and #d Great to get to talk about #autismawareness and #diversityandinclusion with the great people at Brown Brothers Harriman on International Day of Persons with Disabilities. 

Diversity Best Practices named BBH a "Best Place to Work" on the 2020 Best Practices Inclusion Index. 

Also, I’m be really happy to not be on camera for a while making goofy faces. Zoom will be the death of this #autistic girl. #cantstopwontstop
#oneminuterundown #middleschool #choir #shakespear #oneminuterundown #middleschool #choir #shakespeare #apologyletter #nycstorytelling #nogalesarizona #wadecarpenter
@billieeilish #thereforeiam #lipsync #snapchat @billieeilish #thereforeiam #lipsync #snapchat
As per usual standards and practices, #i❤️ny As per usual standards and practices, 
#i❤️ny
(2017) I miss #diadelosmuertos in #tucson. I used (2017)
I miss #diadelosmuertos in #tucson. I used to make own headbands. It was an important part of my life in my 30’s. 

My grandmother used to clean the graves of loved ones in #nogalesarizona during this time. It wasn’t about a concocted affair. It was very authentic to who we were and who we had been going back centuries in #Mexico.

As a border kid fed on a diet of American culture, I participated in the intended erasing of who I was and aspiring to be like the American kids I saw in movies and TV. There was no one who looked or acted like us, outside of Stand and Deliver or La Bamba or Selena. And even then, they were approximations. Because border towns might as well be cultural Galapagos. Each unique ecosystems. 

But now, I get to decide what I include in my identity.  And I get to rediscover all the values, the customs and rituals, and the beliefs of the people who came before me, occultified over the centuries to escape detection. 

When I meet a stranger and tell them my name is Veneranda, they are not just meeting me, but they are hearing a name echoed through the centuries through my lineage. 

And when they see my face, it is not just me, but all the indigenous ancestors erased from our oral traditions because of the shame associated with “muddied” pasts in the Spanish caste system. 

I cannot hide who I am as long as it can be heard in my name and seen on my face. I am me because they were them. And the me I am honors my ancestors today in my own private and personal way. Hopefully they’ll help me to tell the story so I can share what it was to grow up at the confluence of so many cultures. 

A toast to them with good tequila. #salud
#writersofinstagram #nycstorytelling
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