You know…looking back on it, the words that have broken my heart have rarely been dramatic. Well, except in Danny’s case when he sprung it on me that he’d secretly moved into an apartment under the cover of dark and was leaving me because I‘d stolen his youth, ruined his life and turned him into […]
When you have autism, sometimes your feelings come before you name them. I can spend three days figuring out what’s going on, pinging off of known emotions and going through movies and songs, before I actually do. I don’t like it when people disappear and come back and disappear and come back. That’s really what […]
I have summer seasonal affective disorder. Too much sunlight turns me into a wrath monster. September is historically a bad month after an August full of sunlight. What does it feel like? I can’t get started until 4 or 5 p.m. My brain goes nocturnal. I have zero energy to initiate anything. People who generally […]
It’s 4:38. I’ve just gotten home and taken my sleeping pill. Let’s see what I bang out before sleepy time. I have a beach date tomorrow and I’ve gotta be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I was *supposed* to go dancing tonight. I cut my hair. Got dolled up. Put on a face. But I […]
Tyler tells me before the movie that he won’t be able to pay for my ticket but he can buy me popcorn. So I get my own ticket and it turns up he bought two, I was just supposed to know to reimburse him. So we stand outside the theater hoping someone will need a […]
I’m in love with ghosts. Parts of this one. And parts of that. Love so intense it would make you lightheaded. So it doesn’t feel like a loss to have someone flirt with you when that taught rope doesn’t tug. Anytime I need passion, I dial up a memory. A photo. A flutter. I know […]
This boyThis boyThis boyThis boyThis man who pausesAnd says “No one can pull off blue like you do,”when he sees my hair. This boyThis boyThis boyThis boyThis man who pauses And says, “I’ve never had a conversation fly so fast” when we’re on the phone. This boy This boy This boyThis boyThis man who pausesAnd says, “Maybe I […]
I’ve written this obituary too many times to count nowI keep saying it’s done it’s done… it’s done…it’s done… I’m in love with a ghostI don’t know the how’s and the why’s and the whereforesOnly that whatever once was isn’t anymore No wakeNo funeralNo headstone Just a bride who lost her husband at sea To […]
Just some lyrics that made sense today by Andy Shauf: Split my mind wide open just to find my every thoughtI’m just hoping that I’m not stepping on your toesOr find my feet forever flowing forward faster stillI’m just making progress until I can learn to step again Move me in my heart however I […]
I had this thought last night mid round one of mushrooms that I didn’t want to document anything. And I kept telling narrator Vene, the one who is slightly me and slightly not real…the one you know if you’ve only ever read my words and not met me in person…to be quiet. I didn’t want […]
Veneranda Jade 