I am free

A lot of people I love dearly have never been head over heels in love. They ask me what it feels like. I explain it in terms of neurotransmitters. Serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin. How each of those feel independently. I explain it in colors. In the feeling in being enveloped in a weighted blanket. Of floating […]

I feel for you

Last night Caithlin and I ended up talking with two different men at different times out by the beach. The first was a Jamaican named Treasure (not his real name). Big time flirt. He said he’d seen me before. It wasn’t a line. He had seen me before but I didn’t let on. It was […]

I’m happiest when…

It’s after close at Barbs. Nikola is behind the bar playing afro beats. Travis, Ritchie and I are on the other side. Travis asks Nikola to play “Happiness” by The 1975. He’s been listening on headphones all night. Nikola cues it up. It sounds so good. I’ve only heard it on my computer up to […]

Little white lies

Until this very moment I thought I’d lied to him, letting him think he was the first. But I’m not even sure he asked. And even if I had lied, he should have known the truth afterwards. Instead, he jumped off the loft bed and started flexing his muscles in the mirror on the door […]

Divine

This time last year I said to myself I’d have brown ringlets To curl around my finger His, mine It didn’t quite matter But I cut it all off And dyed it blue Like a penitent Like a rebel I’d tell you what I want For a year from now But she doesn’t yet exist […]

Father figure

Andrea helped me work something out last night, which is reason of itself to go out on a Wednesday, even if the night looks like it holds no promise. I went out on a date two nights ago with a guy who in 2017 would have appeared fascinating to me. Persian. Tech guy. Makes good […]

Bond

Time to conjure him. The him of the future. Artistic or appreciative of art and understanding of the lifestyle. Grounded. Sensual. Cowboy, in spirit if not in actuality. Super comfortable in his masculinity…no sad boys allowed. Dennis Quaid-like. In Parent Trap. No addicts. Spry, if not young. Comfortable with hanging out and talking or NOT […]

Surf City

Beach day. Beach days are extensive. They require provisions and equipment. Some mode of transportation. Sun screen. A will to persist with grit in one’s teeth. But this time I got to flirt with the cutest boy. Kevin. The perfect curly brown hair. The most darling smile Maybe 26. Super sweet. 100% gay. He was […]