Veneranda Jade

"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

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January 23, 2021

Brooks Brothers Date Rapists: the obligatory Promising Young Woman post

It’s fabulous. Dangerous Liaisons level fabulous. Count of Monte Cristo level fabulous. Everyone should have to watch it. If you’re a woman and you…

January 21, 2021

A case of the Mondays

January is a liarHe comes to tell me things have begun anewAnd I am to start over freshOn a clean sheet of paper in…

January 19, 2021

1.20.2009: A new hope

View this post on Instagram A post shared by VA (@vene_la_green_eyez)

January 17, 2021

Look, I told you guys a million times, I ain’t no grasshopper

Passing for white/masking as neurotypical is like being a cricket who looks a lot like a grasshopper to other grasshoppers in a grasshopper-dominated society….

January 17, 2021

You’re my best friend

I got to thinking while the kettle boiled just now: There was a guy named Brandon, years ago in Tucson, whom I really really…

January 15, 2021

Geography

When we were youngAnd a twin bed was more than enough to shareBut we ordered a pizza eachAnd your arm fell asleep under my…

January 13, 2021

Nevermore

What do dolphins plan for?Not the right bag that will carry the wallet, the keys, the hand sanitizerOr the train that sometimes comes lateOr…

January 12, 2021

Hell is other people’s children

I almost exclusively socialize with people who don’t want to have kids. It goes beyond that. They think kids and babies are repulsive. They…

January 11, 2021

Capitol hijinks and performative outrage

What a week, huh?Was I surprised that rioters stormed the Capitol? No. Not even a little bit. When the first person mentioned it to…

January 10, 2021

Threatening the life it belongs to

I’m watching the Fran Liebowitz series on Netflix and my brain is on fire. I agree with 99% of what she says (but disagree…

January 6, 2021

The future: The U.S. Capitol on its 200th birthday

January 5, 2021

Touchstone

When I begin to doubt myself And everything I feel And everything I’ve ever believed to be true It is because so many before…

January 3, 2021

There she goes again

I made my 2021 list and got it in before the stroke of midnight on FB but I’ll repost here: Before I forget, the…

December 31, 2020

Because the night: Punk, jokes and a little frightened girl

Note: this is one of those late Gen Xer’s lamentations of growing up in the pre-Internet days. I beg thee, dear reader, forgive the…

December 30, 2020

Pet peeves

A list of pet peeves in no particular order: And a pet peeve of Bette Middler’s that led to good.

December 29, 2020

2020: a story in song

View this post on Instagram A post shared by VA (@vene_la_green_eyez) A story compiled from the life I lived this year and the lessons…

December 29, 2020

Instagram highlights: 2020

I began documenting my life in a new way this year. Lots of people use Instagram. But this is how I use it: Tucson…

December 29, 2020

What’s the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom?

Lipstick. I’m known at this point for wearing lipstick. It’s like a calling card. Before Covid, I wore liquid lipstick and regular lipstick but…

December 28, 2020

Hillary/Hilaria: what’s in a name?

I grew up a white-appearing girl in American border town with an American mother of Mexican ancestry and a Mexican father who’d immigrated to…

December 27, 2020

If you make sure you’re connected, the writing’s on the wall

Tl; dr: I went to a fun party. But this isn’t about the party. It’s about how I interact with the world. I’m never…

December 25, 2020

Thoughts about James Burke while watching You’ve Got Mail

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Jeff Bezos is the uberfurher of the current age. He made his bones off of discounting books….

December 25, 2020

Take it slow: how to make real friends when you’re autistic

I am impatient in new friendships because I don’t know if the person is of their word yet or if they are like most…

December 23, 2020

But all I can see is red, red, red…(pt. 2)

Part one here. I have a disability. And it is so fundamental that it expresses itself in a myriad of ways. I say autism…

December 22, 2020

2020: an Earth odyssey

2020 is the year of the caretaker. Anyone who works in the direct service of others. Doctors and nurses and medical staff yeah, but…

December 22, 2020

Baby, you can drive my car

So sue me, I’m on a Beatles kick. Three times I went to the Hertz rental car place off of Eastern Parkway this year….

December 22, 2020

Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery: Christi Smythe and Martin Shekreli and the world of conformity

Ew. She fell for a negging beta male. Another reporter went on a Tinder date with him just to write about it. He liked…

December 20, 2020

I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose*

*The irony of discussing autism and mental illness with a song featuring Sia is not lost on me. She’s persona non grata in the…

December 18, 2020

Snowflake: Odyssey storytelling

Phil Gordon reached out to me to invite me to tell a story for The Odyssey in Tucson for December’s Snowflake show. I didn’t…

December 18, 2020

Strong is only part of the title

Some songs just come when they’re needed. Never before had I heard this song until today but it was what I needed to hear….

December 18, 2020

You’ve gotta open up your eyes to see

Snakes shed skin when they outgrow it. But the process of shedding also helps to remove harmful parasites. I have shed my exterior many…

December 18, 2020

Where have all the cowboys gone?

I haven’t unpacked this yet, but I can’t stand a whiny man. Yes, everyone gets to be vulnerable. Everyone gets to fall down. But…

December 17, 2020

Here to face the fortune and the bile

City life told in the contents of a purse: The purse I stole from my sister Andrea in 1996. It has mother of pearl…

December 16, 2020

Maneater

Yesterday was not a day. It was a day and a half packed into 24 hours. Too much to retell in full, so I’ll…

December 14, 2020

He’s been pretty much yellow and I’ve been pretty much blue (pt. 1)

Thanks to Fiona Apple who gives me words when I don’t have them or the courage to say the ones I really do feel….

December 13, 2020

So many allies, so many allies

How you love them in the evening, when they hold your hand in crosswalks. When you both start talking at the same time because…

December 11, 2020

Si a una vez me olvido

In the moment, I saythis hurts;this nick at the corner of my mouththat cracked open some day recentlyin the past. It will not healand…

December 10, 2020

Tetraptych: sketches done in ball-point pen

PART ONE:I can take care of myself but I don’t know if I could do that if I had a job. I’m proud of…

December 7, 2020

Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older

There is a condominium complex in the beachfront town of San Carlos. The exteriors are white stucco with rod iron stairs leading to the…

December 6, 2020

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine

There was this kid I grew up from middle school with who was whip crack smart. He was popular and a jock and nothing…

December 5, 2020

Friends in low places

I remember when ice sculptures were a sign of class. Before they became luges for sickly sweet drinks drunk by Pi Phis and Thetas….

December 5, 2020

That time I wrote the thing about the stuff

And it was only sorta funny.

December 4, 2020

That’s my daughter

Between fourth and fifth grade my parents took us to Orlando to go to Disney World. I had caught bronchitis immediately before this in…

December 2, 2020

Viva la vida

Can you sense your destiny? I think for most people this isn’t a question they ponder. I think for some people, delusion plays a…

December 2, 2020

What’s my age again? Neurodiversity, executive functioning and time management

In typical Vene fashion, I confused the dates. The talk is tomorrow. Now I wish I realized that before I woke up at 8…

November 30, 2020

Nothing’s gonna stop us now

Being alone is a gift. Having free time is a gift. Having access to books and great minds, likewise. This winter, my goals are:…

November 29, 2020

The Rons and the Harrys

Maddie and I had this discussion on Wednesday after the dinner party with Mikey, Tyler and Trav. The burning question: Why did Hermione end…

November 26, 2020

Apomorphine

It’s not like I wasn’t forewarned. I had an inside tip on this. I had eyes opened wide. A lifetime of experience. And I…

November 18, 2020

What I didn’t expect from watching Season 3 of The Crown…it’s a doozy

All is good. I am safe. I am warm. I am loved. But tonight took an unexpected turn down memory lane to a time…

November 17, 2020

I will possess your heart

One day soon into the fall semester of second grade, in the backseat of her mother’s car on the way home from school, Tory…

November 13, 2020

Harder, better, faster, stronger

2020, amirite? But honestly, what has it all been for? Maddie and I pondered this question til almost 3 in the morning while sitting…

November 10, 2020

Studio 54 exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum

I edited together some of the video and photos I got at the museum exhibit I attended last Friday. I needed to practice editing….

November 8, 2020

Election night, 2020

I’ve just been in my room all day, well since 5 a.m. when I went to bed, and oatmeal cooking and coconut water drinking…

November 5, 2020

Nogales, Arizona: The myth of the monolith Latino voter dispelled in microcosm

Let me tell you about how complex the “Latino” vote is in Nogales. Prior to the 1980’s, Santa Cruz County was the most stable…

November 1, 2020

Mexico lindo y querido: Day of The Dead (Día de los muertos)

(2017)I miss Día De Los Muertos in Tucson. I used to make own headbands. It was an important part of my life in my…

November 1, 2020

Think of me what you will, I’ve got a little space to fill

I actually do have an idea for a screenplay that I think could work. I don’t know how other writers get their ideas, but…

October 30, 2020

In times when we don’t know

I finished The Queen’s Gambit. I loved it. I don’t know about chess, but it was engaging. I didn’t sleep well last night. Nothing…

October 27, 2020

Killer Queen: The Queen’s Gambit and the price of genius

When Anne of Green Gables was young, more than anything, she wanted three things: to find kindred, to beat Gilbert Blythe, and for her…

October 26, 2020

How do you talk to an angel…of doom?

This is the worst song ever manufactured for a fake band to sing for a spin off of Melrose Place. And one of the…

October 23, 2020

Tyler: in pictures

So Ty is coming out with a new album and we’ve been talking about image. It’s not pertinent to him as an artist. It’s…

October 19, 2020

I’m not the man they think I am at home

Miki (otherwise known as the Observant Israeli) came over today and we just hung out for seven hours. We used to…em… but today were…

October 16, 2020

A second thought

Weekday mornings bring about clarity and vulnerability. I am too honest. And there is a beast inside me that roars. She is protecting me…

October 15, 2020

Pure moods

If you want to summon your soulmate, just say the two words: pot roast. Maddie read those words and zoomed on over last night,…

October 12, 2020

Westward ho!

Just in case ya need something on the road…part of a little list I’ve been keeping. MUSIC: Khruangbin (Pichfork Live–Chill stuff) Quantic (Vinyl Set–Chill…

October 12, 2020

Everything’s alright

I’m watching a scary movie in the middle of a rainy day, in flannel pajamas. It’s The Haunting of Bly House, which is an…

October 11, 2020

I’ll be the hero you’ve been dreaming of

One of the things it took me to get this far (in life) was the assistance of allies. Specifically badass chicks who gave no…

October 10, 2020

No, you just have to wait

Ok, Vene, the electrical storm has passed and you had some clarity. So get this down and come back here the next time. Your…

October 9, 2020

Not the best poem, but I tried

28 and 2/3A poem about the Pioneer Hotel fire December 19, 1970There’s a party going on upstairsI figure I’ll score a couple of drinksAnd…

October 5, 2020

60 Minutes: employees with Autism, Anderson Cooper and me…a diversity and inclusion speaker

If you were watching 60 Minutes last night, you might have caught Anderson Cooper’s segment on companies seeking out potential employees with autism. I…

October 5, 2020

Ghost Town

When I’m down, the way I am now, I look exhaustively for tiny discoveries of hope, usually couched in some artistic expression just existing…

October 3, 2020

The Quilt

October 3, 2020

Gratium manibus

There are noses to be considered. Lips to be coveted. Eyes to be adored. Hair to be admired. Chests to be explored. Voices which…

October 2, 2020

I know this much is true

If I just stare at the blocks on my quilt, fuschia flowers embroidered on yellow backgrounds, the year could be 2020 or 2004. It…

October 2, 2020

Where’ve all sensations gone?

I don’t have to be strong for anyone today. Pleasant for anyone. Kind to anyone. I don’t have it in me. Usually I can…

October 2, 2020

Wonderful tonight

Tyler and I got to talking tonight about love. Not about us…we’re just nerdy friends who get together to talk about nerdy stuff (tonight…

September 30, 2020

No one gets off scott free

We’ve gone through a whole wheelhouse of emotion during Covid. In February we had the medical professionals telling us not to worry. The flu…

September 29, 2020

Sincerity is scary

Such silly, little imposters, words. A grey sky is not a grey sky. And no amount of artistry or craft can convey the experience….

September 27, 2020

It’s just a silly phase I’m going through

I’m watching a French documentary on the lives of Les Grandes Horizontales…cocottes…courtesans…prostitutes. I couldn’t tell you why, but I think if we do recycle…

September 24, 2020

Baby, won’t you let me have a little time to hide?

In all things I am inconstant. My mood vacillates from extreme to extreme. I am capricious. I crave attention, and when it eludes me,…

September 18, 2020

Spaceship

I got a seasonal job working at Williams-Sonoma in 2013. I thought it could be fun. I’d never worked retail and every job I’d…

September 17, 2020

Who’s that girl?

They were young once. Blood coursed through their veins. Air through their lungs. They had passions and fears. What were they thinking about? What…

September 17, 2020

The Flapper

By Dorothy Parker The Playful flapper here we see,The fairest of the fair.She’s not what Grandma used to be, —You might say, au contraire.Her…

September 16, 2020

The time to hesitate is through

I have to write this because it’s been plaguing me for some time now and I think I finally understand why. I have very…

September 13, 2020

Scruffy lookin’ nerf herder

I’ve waited so long to watch Episode IX. Why? Not because I heard it was bad, but because I’d finally have to say goodbye…

September 13, 2020

Video killed the radio star

Gender reveal parties, aside from being incindiary, are performative, right? They’re done for the Gram. Remember flash mob proposals? Done for YouTube? Or just…

September 11, 2020

Or you can start speaking up

I am not the sum total of my trauma. Most days I can walk around divorced of its implications that once kept me from…

September 9, 2020

My Poor Brain

I’m going to walk you through all the awkwardness of something pretty standard that will wipe me of four days’ energy. I’m at Planned…

September 6, 2020

I’m lost in the supermarket

Ownership of information is the exercise of overdeveloped egos. The need to possess things, even intangible things like obscure references and deep cuts, comes…

September 6, 2020

Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

I’ve neglected you, dear reader, of late. I’ve been spending the past few weeks creating Instagram stories and sifting through mutual feelings with someone…

August 27, 2020

GHF article on dating while gifted

August 26, 2020

But I know better

I want to write about this in a way that is honest. You need to know that I knew better from the first night…

August 24, 2020

I am thinking it’s a sign

I’m sorry, but this is going to be a mish mash of a million things that only came to light today in their totality…

August 22, 2020

A new name for everything

You asked for a pseudonym, so you got one. Voldemort…he who must not be named…but we’ll just go with V. I’m not sure I…

August 18, 2020

The Pauls and the Johns

I’m a pragmatist. And a believer in hope. These things lead me to look toward the future. I know the past well enough…I’m much…

August 12, 2020

Higher ground

My stomach hurts in the same way it did in third grade when I forgot to do my homework and got saddled with a…

August 10, 2020

All day and all of the night

On the train and thinking. My most cherished quality I have about myself is my tenacity. I don’t give up. Not in goals and…

August 8, 2020

Ready to go

Michael’s bar mitzvah was the event of summer 1992. His parents rented out the banquet hall at La Paloma and people flew in to…

August 8, 2020

Send it out into the blue

I can’t help but think of my mom. It isn’t the same but it’s as close as anyone’s ever gotten. ——————– I got the…

August 8, 2020

Good

Those last times With the men I’ve known When we knew it was good bye And not just so long They’ve had time to…

August 6, 2020

You didn’t know me when

I don’t know where I’m going with this, but it’s here so I should examine it. Cynicism isn’t really my strong suit. I don’t…

August 6, 2020

Kindness

View this post on Instagram The ever glorious and wonderful Emma Thompson reads “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab Nye. Emma would like to dedicate this…

August 6, 2020

Please don’t bend

Last night was a deep dive into 2016-2017 when I was figuring things out and everything was so very messy. I couldn’t keep my…

August 4, 2020

Wicked Game

The most awful thing I ever did, I did by accident. May 2, 2016: I went to a Posies show at R Bar in…

July 28, 2020

Self-promos and other nonsense

View this post on Instagram @amyshark #sinkin #lipsync #snapchat A post shared by VA (@vene_la_green_eyez) on Jul 27, 2020 at 10:23pm PDT I don’t…

July 27, 2020

Poesia que escribo cuando no puedo escribir ninguna otra cosa

Vente A mi barrio A mi casa A mi lado Vente Para verme A tocarme Hazme daño Vente Tengo prisa Tengo hambre Tengo dudas…

July 25, 2020

I’ll be your whatever you want

Why does it matter Who loved me Who saw me once as a woman Who craved me Who lamented my loss Who reached out…

July 25, 2020

Miss Universe Storytelling

Temporary

July 24, 2020

Boy, you’ve got me so confused

Something’s up and I don’t know what. I’m fine. But I’m feeling a disturbance in the force. I checked in with myself. I’m good,…

July 23, 2020

I wanna get better

I’m going through the blog and reading over everything this week. I’m trying to distill all these posts and figure out what my writing…

July 22, 2020

Third date sex

I was talking to Tyler recently about dating in general and he mentioned third date sex. What is third date sex? Literally having sex…

July 21, 2020

My Sharona*

This post is kind of a data dump. I went through an old DISC assessment that I did in 2015. There was a commercial…

July 20, 2020

It’s only just out of reach, down a block on a beach

I’ll try to keep this one short but sweet, but I’m not making any promises. 2017 (May): I meet Dan, the 🦄. I swipe…

July 13, 2020

Gossip folks

Plummers test sewer lines by pouring dye down a drain and waiting for it to show up in the sewer feed at the curb….

July 10, 2020

Time, time, time, see what’s become of me

Timing, right. It’s crucial. When to release a film for Oscar contention. When to leave the house to get to the airport in time…

July 5, 2020

A quien le pertenece

To Vene on her 17th birthday: Happy birthday you little weirdo! Take a pause while I shower you with advice. Life is about to…

July 4, 2020

Let America be America Again; July 4th, 2020

Let America Be America Again Langston Hughes (1902-1967) Let America be America again. Let it be the dream it used to be. Let it…

July 2, 2020

Like children often do: Children’s programming as a subversive act and how to bring UCB back

I’ve been kicking this idea around for a decade. It came initially, and probably subconsciously at first, from a movie I saw as a…

June 29, 2020

Come-a listen to my story bout a man named Jed: Mexico and renewable energy

Last night my dad told me that the American Ambassador pulled the Mexican Secretary of State into a meeting to complain about Mexico’s corruption…

June 28, 2020

Carefree: Let’s give people some (safe) space

This article is really well-written and hopefully it helps people see why we not only need to value POC safe spaces but protect them…

June 27, 2020

I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly loved by someone. I don’t even know who. Just I felt confidence and stability and a toggle…

June 24, 2020

It’s, like, so bitchin’

Ok, so like OMG, misogyny is totally hidden in a lot of places. Even in linguistic bias. Girls spread linguistic trends faster. They are…

June 23, 2020

A Little Bit of Rain

Marcus Garvey is quiet tonight. 3:34. Is that morning? It’s a rarity in normal times, but even more pronounced laid against I don’t even…

June 21, 2020

I know a place: altruism, the misguided New Man and how to get people to care

Are you familiar with the concept of the New Man? It has its roots in religion and philosophy and has been used by political…

June 20, 2020

Summer in the city

2000: I was on scholarship at Princeton. Something I’d earned. When I got the news in an email at the Center for English as…

June 20, 2020

Oh bondage! Up yours!

Do you remember 2018? June was probably the worst month. Women who’d felt disenfranchised by Trump were finally awakening and seeing what was happening…

June 18, 2020

Fortunate Son

Father’s Day is on Sunday, and I thought about waiting until then to post this. But I feel it now, so, it’s early. I…

June 14, 2020

I’ve got an idea for a movie: Turning 41

You know the body swap genre? Movies in which two characters gain insight by switching bodies, or one goes forward or back in their…

June 13, 2020

Aqui estoy establecido

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” –Martin Luther King DESDE LA CUARTA DECLARACIÓN DE LA SELVA LACANDONA EZLN, 1 Enero, 1996, Chiapas,…

June 12, 2020

Man, I feel like a woman: JK Rowling’s defense and some thoughts

I just read JK Rowling’s defense of her stance on trans women and it’s kind of a mess. I’ll try to articulate her arguments…

June 9, 2020

Taking care of business: government reform and the passing of the baton

The Preamble of the American Constitution (1787) states: “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish…

June 6, 2020

And you do what they told ya: autism and pathological demand avoidance

Brass Against, for these who don’t know is a Rage Against The Machine cover band. If you don’t know the song, it’s from 1992…

June 6, 2020

And crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea

How can I not be in love with this life? I’m intoxicated by it every single day here in NYC. Even with my back…

June 5, 2020

And they’re all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same

In this moment where ignorance is revealing itself, even amongst earnest allies, I want to take a minute to thank the “teachers” in my…

June 2, 2020

What white pacifists don’t understand about their pleas for peace and their use of police violence against peaceful protesters

I need to make you hip to something because some of you out there think you know what you’re talking about when you call…

June 1, 2020

A change is gonna come: Brooklyn 2020/Tucson 2011

This isn’t the time for me to share with you my personal grief. This is a time for others to take the mic. At…

June 1, 2020

Wish I had a socket-set to dismantle this morning

In the early morning, when the weather cooled down to the fifties and Marcus Garvey stilled, I opened my bedroom window and listened to…

May 31, 2020

The time to hesitate is through

I’m in withdrawal. I ask myself, is it thirst? No. Hunger? No. Some vitamin deficiency? No. Alcohol? Cigarettes? Caffeine? No, no, no. I have…

May 30, 2020

A riot of our own

Bastille Day is July 14th. It’s the French national holiday. It is the day that the French working class, sick and tired of being…

May 30, 2020

No hard feelings

Most nights, I rest well. I fall asleep to podcasts on astronomy or this audiobook Behave I’ve been listening to over and over. Sometimes…

May 24, 2020

These days

I’m at SFO sitting in a fun swivel chair with my feet up, listening to Mark Ronson’s Version album. I don’t know when the switch went…

May 24, 2020

It’s just a jump to the left

I’m sitting outside, the first and last night spent by my sister Andrea’s pool. We spent time in it today. The weather was great….

May 21, 2020

Trolls

I have one, which is weird. It doesn’t make me feel anything but perplexed that someone would take time to heckle me…more than once….

May 21, 2020

Fight the power

When I was in high school, our biology book had this picture in it (or something similar). And for IB Biology we had to…

May 19, 2020

The power of love (or sex…whatever)

Teen sex was fun for me. That’s the great thing about losing your virginity to a friend with no emotions involved. It meant there…

May 18, 2020

No sleep til…Brooklyn

I feel a little broken tonight. It’s taken so much out of me. I just want someone to come and tell me they will…

May 17, 2020

Message in a bottle

Edit: Originally published on 5/17/2020 7/22/2020: I took this down because it felt pretentious at the time, but I’m putting it back up because…

May 16, 2020

Halcyon days

There was a time when I learned the sacred values of words. If you overuse a word it can lose its meaning, its power….

May 15, 2020

El fukú y la zafa

Curses are tricky things. They come on in ways you don’t see. They don’t seem like curses until you are in the middle of…

May 14, 2020

When the party’s over

My goal with Instagram is to learn how to tell stories, even made up ones, in novel ways. I’m not there for the vanity….

May 13, 2020

Just my imagination (running away with me)

It’s warm outside today, but there’s a bit of a breeze and plenty of shade on this porch. And the far sounds of the…

May 13, 2020

To the next boy I fall in love with: a primer

Hi, so you’re the guy, huh? Interesting. It’s funny because I tend to have a type, and you’re nothing like it. I don’t think…

May 10, 2020

Listen to your heart: advice to you when you feel stuck

I’m here in Tucson. I have a flight out, for now at least. I don’t know if I should extend my stay or go…

May 6, 2020

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes-Benz

I have accepted the 10 Days of Birthday Gifts challenge from no one in particular. My birthday is June 15th, and with shipping the…

May 6, 2020

Good vibrations–autism and woo woo

Autism, women and the woo woo. This. Is. Brilliant. Why don’t I look strangers in the eye? It’s super intimate. I’m not less sensitive….

May 6, 2020

Into the mystic

Tonight, I am listening to punk music and remembering every boy I ever crushed on for knowing how to skate or play guitar or…

May 5, 2020

Even the world needs a rest

Listen. Ten times. View this post on Instagram #Repost @oranicuhh with @get_repost ・・・ had some shit to address. “my whole mood is blown” out…

May 5, 2020

Momma told me not to come

Ok, so here’s the real twisted shit, but first, a little backstory. When I was in high school, I was chum. I was what…

May 5, 2020

Hang on in there

I have accepted the 10 Days of Birthday Gifts challenge from no one in particular. My birthday is June 15th, and with shipping the…

May 5, 2020

Stayin’ Alive

I have accepted the 10 Days of Birthday Gifts challenge from no one in particular. My birthday is June 15th, and with shipping the…

May 2, 2020

Ode to my favorite pair of jeans ever

I was 15 when we metYou, a size Junior 13 pair of Arizona brand jeans from JC PenneyWhen I left a pen in you…

April 30, 2020

Shitty poetry when I can’t think straight

A word for every place and thing But I don’t make a sound So used to hearing my own voice When there’s no one…

April 29, 2020

The man I love

That was what I wrote after meeting the 🦄 in Tucson. The rush of infatuation was overwhelming. It was enough to get me to…

April 28, 2020

So long, Mel Baggs, and thanks for all the good

Mel Baggs died. At the age of 39. Please watch the video if you have any curiosity or familiarity with autism. I’m verbal…overly so….

April 28, 2020

Fuck Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pseudoscience bullshit

Here is one of many articles explaining why it’s wrong. People are using this hierarchy right now to justify all sorts of terrible behavior….

April 28, 2020

No song title for this one either

I talked to a friend last night. I couldn’t unload because she’s an unemployed author with two kids and a partner who has cancer….

April 27, 2020

No song title this time

I can only say it so many ways. I’m losing the battle here in Tucson. I’m losing touch with anything good inside me. And…

April 24, 2020

More

I have this thing. It’s not an addiction, per say. More of…a non-constructive self-soothing mechanism I learned from my parents. My parents both have…

April 21, 2020

The beginning is the end is the beginning: my dream about UCB Comedy this morning and the woo woo

Bear with me. There be woo woo ahead. I woke up this morning feeling peaceful, which is really fucking great because I’ve been feeling…

April 20, 2020

One, two princes here before you: a boy I once loved and the words I never could

Edit: From January Today was was a gorgeous winter day where unexpected help was found, where generosity was touching, and where I realized that…

April 20, 2020

Moonlight, you’re just a heartache in disguise

It was a rough day yesterday. I finally broke. When I start acting like this: It’s a last ditch effort to stop feeling like…

April 19, 2020

They say it’s your birthday…

I am separated from Gian, my roommate, right now. He’s at our apartment in Brooklyn, celebrating his 27th birthday in our apartment. He’s self-isolating….

April 15, 2020

It’s up to you, New York

When I was 11, I went on a gifted school trip to Washington, D.C. It was my first trip to the East Coast. It…

April 15, 2020

Lonesome town article for GHF Dialogue

Lonesome Town: How This Gifted Girl Unapologetically Navigates Friendship

April 15, 2020

Moment to myself

I’ll post again. I promise. Just give me a moment to myself. I need to regroup and figure out what’s next. Thanks for checking…

April 10, 2020

We are made of our longest days: Bernie Sanders folks, do not despair

To my Bernie folks and to your Bernie folks: I know you are disheartened. I understand. You see all the injustices out there and…

April 7, 2020

Something: the Beatles and faith

  Today is a Beatles kind of day. I didn’t come to faith of my own volition. I am a “man of science.” But…

April 5, 2020

Lean on me

Three things: 1. The AirBNB owner came over yesterday and we talked about all the woo woo. She’s a former chemist and statistician. She’s…

April 4, 2020

Money, it’s also a liquid! How about we try to save the economy?

Here are my thoughts: the federal government is not suited to direct dissemination of funds to the public. They’re requiring tax returns for verification….

April 3, 2020

First I was afraid, I was petrified

I’ve been on a ventilator. It saved my life. And even if I haven’t cured cancer or written the great American novel or married…

April 2, 2020

In my life

You know what sounds really good right now? Buying local. Buying American. Employing Americans. Respecting American labor. Treating it like the National resource it…

March 30, 2020

Wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door

I have this superstition about New Year’s Eve. I mean, everyone has superstitions about New Year’s Eve. Wear red underwear. Eat 12 grapes. Sweep…

March 29, 2020

Love it if we made it: Matty Healy’s plea for compassion at the O2

Do me a favor and click into the video at 40 minutes in so you can see a speech I saw live on December…

March 27, 2020

Times is hard

I can tell you how people act and predict how they will act. I can even tell you why. I don’t just listen to…

March 26, 2020

But it’s all right now, I learned my lesson well

I say Cary Elwes was my first big crush, but I already had a thing for Ricky Nelson by that point. Afternoons in front…

March 26, 2020

And now I know ‘Spanish Harlem’ are not just pretty words to say

If you want happy, go check out my Instagram stories/feed. There’s plenty there to keep you occupied. This is where I’ve come today to…

March 24, 2020

Gardening at night: fresh produce supply chains in the time of Covid-19

Note: this isn’t to scare you. This is just stuff I have some knowledge of and a good hunch about. My hunches tend to…

March 22, 2020

Living on the edge—how Michael can save the world

It feels like the world is having a ‘Come to Jesus’ moment, doesn’t it? Six months ago, people didn’t know what to make of…

March 21, 2020

Ready, steady, go…and all the things she said…on social media

That’s virtual Matty Healy. Here’s my Facebook cleanse for anyone who wants to follow. Consult your doctor before engaging. Individual results will vary. 1….

March 20, 2020

Woo hoo, witchy woman

I’m writing this only for posterity and to show you maybe how this thing works. I don’t know the future. I just know there’s…

March 19, 2020

Mexican Radio: KMKR ‘Is This On’ with Roxy Merari

When I first did Nancy Stanley’s stand up show Estrogen Hour at Laff’s at Tony Paniagua’s suggestion, I didn’t know it would lead to…

March 18, 2020

Got a black magic woman

More on the woo woo. But I’ll keep it short this time. So you know that I gave a speech at the U.N. back in…

March 16, 2020

I don’t like going outside so bring me everything here: Problems in the time of Covid-19

First the small and then the big. Small: deliveries from Grove by UPS I just want UPS to deliver my package. Simple, right? It’s…

March 15, 2020

It’s the end of the world as we know it

Stick with me for a bit. This one’s a bit of a rollercoaster ride but I think I might have a point. Be prepared…

March 12, 2020

Hot for teacher

I took two semesters of English in college needlessly. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. The University of…

March 8, 2020

Good vibrations

I want you to know it wasn’t all bad. When I close my eyes and think of safe, it is a peach sherbet golf…

March 8, 2020

I’m leaving on a jet plane

This one is really dark. I don’t want you reading this if my retelling of abuse and suicide attempt is going to trigger you….

March 7, 2020

Soup is good food

I made butternut squash soup today. It’s was ridiculously easy. Peel, clean and chop a butternut squash. Do the same to a green apple….

March 7, 2020

That thing you do!

You can’t just separate the good from the bad in a person. That’s what makes things so confusing. But I like to remember the…

March 6, 2020

I fought the law and I won: Teen Court 1996

Dead Kennedys…aw yeah. Anyway, by the time I was 12, it as pretty much drilled into me that my task in life was to…

March 5, 2020

What are you? Not the border wall.

I get this a lot. And there are very few people who can understand. Growing up in Nogales is a unique experience. Nogales is…

March 5, 2020

Character study for later use

It is cruel to be kind at times. And the best characters are flawed. —————- She’s eager to please and acts like a Jewish…

March 3, 2020

Ever fallen in love, in love with someone//You shouldn’t have fallen in love with?

When you have a blog, you might not know who reads or how they even find you. I’ve been writing here for about a…

March 1, 2020

The honest truth about PTSD

Anger is one of those feelings people are funny about it. Women, at least the ones I grew up with, aren’t supposed to get…

March 1, 2020

Open up your heart and let the sunshine in

First of all, happy Sunday!!!! Don’t you just love Carol Channing? She was such a ray of sunshine. Every hipster in L.A. would kill…

February 28, 2020

More Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans: being autistic in a neurotypical world

The above clip from Selena is something every Mexican-American born after 1975 can quote to you by heart because it sums up our experience…

February 27, 2020

Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock ‘n roll high school

The last few weeks of high school were such a blur to me. My high school offered the IB diploma. International Baccalaureate was and…

February 25, 2020

I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?

I feel like Dan Hedaya in Joe Versus The Volcano a lot these days. I don’t think people understand there is a difference between…

February 25, 2020

From the vault: Paddling for my life with a hidden disability

Note: This originally ran in the online magazine Fierce by Mitù in late 2018, which is why it is heavy handed with the Latina…

February 24, 2020

I heard there was a secret chord: autism, synesthesia, and the dentist

You hear the word synesthesia and to you it might mean seeing the color blue when you hear jazz music. That’s cute. I wish…

February 23, 2020

Money for nothing and your chick’s for free

Here’s a FB post I  wrote two days ago after realizing something: I’m giving myself a lot more permission to say no to people….

February 22, 2020

Betty Crocker, punk rocker

I’ve been thinking back a lot lately on who I am. Like, what is it about my past that illustrates who I am. When…

February 22, 2020

Don’t want to be an American idiot

Bernie isn’t the Messiah come to lead the revolution. At most he’s a minor prophet. I’ve read upwards of forty articles in the past…

February 21, 2020

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?

I don’t understand people when they talk about their jobs. This isn’t a dig at people with every day jobs. It’s an observation. I…

February 19, 2020

I just want to feel something again

Edit: Name redacted at request of subject If my posts have been extra negative lately, there’s a reason. I broke it off with XXXX….

February 18, 2020

Barbarism begins at home

Hello from the fuck ups. We’re the family members who let you down. Who ruin holidays. Who can be counted on to have messy…

February 17, 2020

Witchy woman

I’m really good at making things happen out of thin air. I write them as fiction or just send an intention out into the…

February 15, 2020

She’s a good girl, loves her mama

Someone threw me for a loop recently. I showed them my baby book. It’s filled with all the minutia of my least interesting years,…

February 14, 2020

New endeavor with GHF Dialogue

Fitz and the Tantrums; or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Gift

February 13, 2020

The purge

Six days and nights is a lot of time to lay on your back with nothing to occupy your mind. It’s exactly what I…

February 11, 2020

Lonesome town

Something happened recently that brought up a whole swell of stuff I did not want to deal with when I’m six days into a…

February 10, 2020

I’m not angry anymore

I could tell you all about my fuck ups…and God are there a plethora…but most of them I knew were bad decisions going in….

February 5, 2020

Welcome to my life, tattoo

I got this ink in two parts back in 2017. It was part of the process of becoming who I am today. First came…

February 4, 2020

You’re so vain

All this talk about JLo at 50 has got me thinking about aging. Aging well, aging gracefully, but most of all aging without apology….

February 3, 2020

Jenny from the block

The Super Bowl halftime show got me thinking about my own brush with J.Lo, which would never have happened if I didn’t have bipolar…

January 29, 2020

Fix you

Current mood: liberated! What was last night? Probably the best affirmation of putting myself in the path of good things. But first let me…

January 28, 2020

Shit poems and other things you write when you feel like crap

When you have nowhere to sleep And you’re lost in the night With no one to keep you safe from fright When the road…

January 27, 2020

Redemption song

This Kobe thing has me thinking. Yeah, he was a whiny bitch and he brought the art of flopping in basketball to new heights,…

January 25, 2020

I want to fall asleep to the beat of you breathing

Edit: name redacted at request of subject So you know why they want to sleep with me, but let me tell you another reason…

January 21, 2020

Building a mystery

Keeper of the flame: back in the day, it was someone’s job to keep a fire stoked for utilitarian and spiritual uses. Figurative keepers…

January 17, 2020

To all the boys I’ve loved before

Wow, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? You look good. Really. The boy I liked at seven, Jaime Olaiz the fall of 1993, the…

January 16, 2020

Bad Days

Edit: name redacted at request of subject I remember a lot of days growing up when it would just be my dad and me….

January 15, 2020

Now that we’ve found love what are we gonna do with it?

January starts with a bang and just keeps going. Everyone has a million projects while dealing with, at a minimum, low grade depression. Try…

January 14, 2020

Where the streets have no name

I’m in need of a road trip, I think. So many good memories. Of eating scrambled egg sandwiches on white bread with mayonnaise in…

January 11, 2020

From the vault; 2016

I don’t think so wrote this with anyone in mind, but probably D. ——– If I loved you If I loved you, there would…

January 10, 2020

We can be heroes

Ok, let’s say your brain can hold a lot of data. Maybe pi to the 20th digit. Maybe the opening moves for 20 famous…

January 8, 2020

Spanish bombs, yo te quiero y finito

During the terrible days of the Cuban Missile Crisis, the top brass came up with a protocol for whisking away the heads of the…

January 7, 2020

Stuff from the attic; 2017

Found this on Hitrecord.com. That site was a bust for me. But this piece isn’t so bad. ———– I wake up in the morning…

January 3, 2020

Happy anniversary to me

Without delving too far into the details, I had to get married when I was 24. On January 3, 2004. It was not a…

January 2, 2020

40 oz On Repeat

I’m pretty sure this song was written about me.     I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me To talk to somebody…

January 2, 2020

More than words

For being a writer, I kinda dislike words. Basically, they’re all just sounds that our brains direct our bodies to make and then we…

January 2, 2020

Don’t go chasing waterfalls

This is explicit, but not about me. Sex storytelling YouTube video Storytelling, I have come to learn, is so cathartic for both performer and…

January 1, 2020

A change of heart

The 1975–Live at the O2 12.17.2016 What do the simple folk do? To help them escape when they’re blue? It’s just struck 12, January…

December 30, 2019

Girls just want to have fun

Dear Greta, I first became acquainted with Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women in the fall of 1992. That is a lie. I’d read it once in…

December 28, 2019

And all I ever do is think of yesterday

“I don’t hate hardly ever, and when I love, I love for miles and miles. A love so big it should either be outlawed…

December 25, 2019

Anthem

If ever I had one, it would be this little ditty by Fiona Apple. Merry Xmas, Vene 25.12.2019 Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY I certainly haven’t…

December 24, 2019

Breathe, breath in the air

He is a meditation. My heartbeat slows. My breath is deep. I swoon from the oxygen. I get a little high. In the same…

December 23, 2019

How to get to Jean-Michel Basquiat’s grave

This may be the only useful thing I ever post. Sometimes you want answers and not a whole elaborate blog post about this and…

December 23, 2019

It’s a most wonderful time of the year

The way my empathy (and maybe yours) expresses itself is through the physical. I get really calm around people who are nervous. My voice…

December 23, 2019

La Tortura

Pain is the feeling of injustice expelling from my body through hot tears running down red cheeks whenever I try to pay a my…

December 21, 2019

Only the good die young

Living the life that I’ve had, I’ve became accustomed to surviving. Not quite living, but more like floating around like a virus; a twisted…

December 17, 2019

Suppose I never ever met you

Be prepared for woo woo. Not too much. Just a little. I grew up in a strict Catholic house. No woo woo allowed. Well,…

December 16, 2019

All the leaves are brown

Heading into the city to get acupuncture for pain everywhere. I don’t write about how bad it is. How I don’t sleep because of…

December 13, 2019

Her face is a map of the world

This is a story about that time I reached peak coolness. A trip to the beach, an international train ride, rowdy college kids, room…

December 10, 2019

Brenda and Eddie

Something I was asked to write last year but never got published. I’m presenting it as is. It’s June 15, 2018. It’s my birthday….

December 8, 2019

How to disappear completely

I wanted to be an astronaut so bad as a kid. Dino and I used to spend our recess time sitting in a tire…

December 7, 2019

Immigrant song

I come from a different land. My people settled the Santa Cruz River Valley back in 10,000 B.C., if we are to believe archeological…

December 7, 2019

Just try a little tenderness

I live in a vertical city. Up and down. Up and down. Sometimes a little to the right or left. But mostly up some…

December 4, 2019

Baby, it’s cold outside

Thanksgiving weekend was…complicated. I went in trying to gather all the life lessons that would shore me up for the triggers I anticipated encountering….

December 1, 2019

23&me

I took a clerkship the first summer of law school at a swanky firm in Tucson, mostly on the feeling that it was the…

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1.20.2009 We bought tickets the night of the elect 1.20.2009
We bought tickets the night of the election. As soon as they called Michigan. “If Obama wins....we’re going to the inauguration.”

Even on the flight itself everyone was ecstatic. People sang hymns.

I was terrified of the cold then. It was 14 degrees out and I dressed up as the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. We had to wake up early to take the Metro into the city. There were swarms of people. But no one pushed. We were all going to the same place at the same time. The Mall. To witness history. 

The throngs of people amassed at the checkpoints onto the Mall and it became obvious that we had to keep walking back until we could find a way on. We walked and walked until we were by the Washington Monument, way too far to see Obama with our own eyes. But they’d erected giant screens down the length of the Mall so we could all see it. And breathe, finally, after eight years of what we thought then was the worst it could possibly get. 

A short nine months later, I’d be back in D.C., this time to attend a concert at the White House. What a crazy good time that was.
I talk to this man almost every night. He has his I talk to this man almost every night. He has his own ringtone so I know when he’s calling. It’s Darth Vader’s theme because, if you couldn’t tell by the resemblance, he’s my father. Richard Aguirre. Ricardo. “Dick Uh-guire”. Gordo. 

He taught me to fish, to ride a quad, to play pool, to drive stick, and how to talk sense into a man, even when he’s your own dad. 

He’s got the charisma of ten regular men and better luck too. The guy works hard and plays harder. At close to 75, he can still kick ass and take names on the golf course.

I’ll never not be #daddyslittlegirl . He’s the only only only man I’d ever allow to call me “baby.”

#immigrantswegetthejobdone #firstgeneration
10.23.1993 Just by luck my mother, my sisters and 10.23.1993
Just by luck my mother, my sisters and I came upon a celebration of the 200th anniversary of the United States #Capitol. President Bill Clinton, members of the Senate and House of Representatives, Justice Blackmun and various dignitaries were in attendance. President Clinton gave the speech I’ve recorded in the following slides. The statue of Freedom, newly restored was placed atop the Capitol by a helicopter. Liza Minelli sang America The Beautiful. This is my America. And I take the words of our forebearers to heart. It is up to us to ensure a more perfect Union for those who follow. We owe that to the future
#oneminuterundown #gifted #firstgrade #lefties #le #oneminuterundown #gifted #firstgrade #lefties #lefthandedproblems #tomsawyer #detention I’m never gonna learn #nogalesarizona #nycstorytelling
#fbf NYE 2004. Back in #tucson, a million years an #fbf NYE 2004. Back in #tucson, a million years and several lifetimes ago. This NYE was solemn but lovely. Brooklyn cheered outside my window and fireworks crackled in the sky. My father called at midnight (my time) to sing”New York, New York” to me.
A little wisdom from a little bear A little wisdom from a little bear
Halloween 2017. A boy (he really was...a first yea Halloween 2017. A boy (he really was...a first year grad student) asked me out on a sort of date the night before at @clubcongress when I was dressed as Michelle from #romyandmichelle (which took place in a fictional school in Tucson). 

Neither of us had costumes. I asked if he had a suit. He did. He put his hair back in a ponytail and dressed as Vincent Vega. I cut bangs in my blue hair, temporarily hemmed black pants into puddle jumpers, poured fake blood on my face, and went to meet him at @sheltercocktaillounge in #Tucson.

Yes, I am the weirdo. But this is what happens to #thespians when they grow up.
Christmas time in #tucson and #nogales going backw Christmas time in #tucson and #nogales going backwards from 1994 to 1980.
#oneminuterundown #throwback to April when I was i #oneminuterundown #throwback to April when I was in Tucson and told a one minute story for @gemsstories about the time I went to @disneyland to complete a homework assignment for Jazz History class.
#nycstorytelling #brandnameketchup
#oneminuterundown #sundaynights #wishfulmakeuping #oneminuterundown #sundaynights #wishfulmakeuping #nogalesarizona #thirteen #lesmiserables #eponine #onmyown #unrequitedlove #noahwyle #keanureeves #christianbale @iammarkronson
I had the honor of getting to share a story with p I had the honor of getting to share a story with people back home as part of December’s @odysseystorytelling virtual event. I loved performing with Tucson’s best storytellers when I lived in #tucson and am so grateful to still be able to do it even though I’m far away now. The show is up on YouTube. This month’s theme: snowflake. 

Such nice things said about me. I wasn’t expecting that at all. It’s humbling to hear. 

And wouldn’t you know I’m now living in snow, far from my once desert home.
#nycstorytelling
I got the cutest sweater in the mail today. Ally S I got the cutest sweater in the mail today. Ally Sheedy in St. Elmo’s Fire meets Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club. After the day I had today, I can’t stop smiling. And if Instagram is for posterity, might as well capture the happy moments. 
#grateful #trust #alwaysfiltered
#bedstuy #sunset #timelapse #bedstuy #sunset #timelapse
@vandalsofficial #oitotheworld 12.11.2010 @clubc @vandalsofficial 
#oitotheworld 
12.11.2010
@clubcongress 
#tucsonaz
Back in the day When I was young I’m not a kid Back in the day 
When I was young
I’m not a kid anymore
But some days
I sit and wish I was a kid again
#ahmad #nogales #thespian
Great to get to talk about #autismawareness and #d Great to get to talk about #autismawareness and #diversityandinclusion with the great people at Brown Brothers Harriman on International Day of Persons with Disabilities. 

Diversity Best Practices named BBH a "Best Place to Work" on the 2020 Best Practices Inclusion Index. 

Also, I’m be really happy to not be on camera for a while making goofy faces. Zoom will be the death of this #autistic girl. #cantstopwontstop
#oneminuterundown #middleschool #choir #shakespear #oneminuterundown #middleschool #choir #shakespeare #apologyletter #nycstorytelling #nogalesarizona #wadecarpenter
@billieeilish #thereforeiam #lipsync #snapchat @billieeilish #thereforeiam #lipsync #snapchat
As per usual standards and practices, #i❤️ny As per usual standards and practices, 
#i❤️ny
(2017) I miss #diadelosmuertos in #tucson. I used (2017)
I miss #diadelosmuertos in #tucson. I used to make own headbands. It was an important part of my life in my 30’s. 

My grandmother used to clean the graves of loved ones in #nogalesarizona during this time. It wasn’t about a concocted affair. It was very authentic to who we were and who we had been going back centuries in #Mexico.

As a border kid fed on a diet of American culture, I participated in the intended erasing of who I was and aspiring to be like the American kids I saw in movies and TV. There was no one who looked or acted like us, outside of Stand and Deliver or La Bamba or Selena. And even then, they were approximations. Because border towns might as well be cultural Galapagos. Each unique ecosystems. 

But now, I get to decide what I include in my identity.  And I get to rediscover all the values, the customs and rituals, and the beliefs of the people who came before me, occultified over the centuries to escape detection. 

When I meet a stranger and tell them my name is Veneranda, they are not just meeting me, but they are hearing a name echoed through the centuries through my lineage. 

And when they see my face, it is not just me, but all the indigenous ancestors erased from our oral traditions because of the shame associated with “muddied” pasts in the Spanish caste system. 

I cannot hide who I am as long as it can be heard in my name and seen on my face. I am me because they were them. And the me I am honors my ancestors today in my own private and personal way. Hopefully they’ll help me to tell the story so I can share what it was to grow up at the confluence of so many cultures. 

A toast to them with good tequila. #salud
#writersofinstagram #nycstorytelling
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